1,000 Words
WHERE DO I PUT THE QUARTERS?

IF HE’S NEVER RAPED ANYONE I’LL EAT MY SHOE

By / 02.20.09

Hey, rockbiters, wanna see my teeny weeny?

In 1989, this guy decided to trick out his what I believe is a 1979 Ford Econoline van with a Neverending Story theme.  He has a Neverending Story I mural painted on the passenger side and a Neverending Story II mural on the driver’s side. Neither of which explains the cholo-style chain-link steering wheel or the HOLY SHIT ARE THOSE BARS ON THE BACK WINDOWS??!??  RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, KIDS, IT’S THE RAPEMOBILE!

Additional stats: The Rapemobile eschews “Do Your Ears Hang Low” in favor of Sammy Hagar-era Van Halen.

One more thing: I decided to check out the guestbook of the guy’s early 90s-style website and found this entry:

Ann Coulter    Thursday, 2/12/09, 12:16 AM

I love your van! See, that’s what’s right with America: A person can love a movie so much that they can use their freedom to make such a statement freely. I want to make sweet love to you in that van. Tie me up and take me hard!

From:    Washington DC
Web Site:     AnnCoulter.com
Email:     ann@anncoulter.com

I wonder if it’s really her!

[thanks to /Film for finding this]

UPDATE: As requested by the van owner’s wife, I would like to point out that I was only making a joke about him being a rapist or a child molester.  And, though I thought it was pretty obvious, I’d further like to point out that I have no evidence, nor did I mean to imply that I had evidence, that he likes to rape and/or child molest.  Of course, anything’s possible.


TAGSNEVERENDING STORYrapeSammy HagarVANS

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