1,000 Words
WHERE DO I PUT THE QUARTERS?

IF HE’S NEVER RAPED ANYONE I’LL EAT MY SHOE

By 02.20.09

Hey, rockbiters, wanna see my teeny weeny?

In 1989, this guy decided to trick out his what I believe is a 1979 Ford Econoline van with a Neverending Story theme.  He has a Neverending Story I mural painted on the passenger side and a Neverending Story II mural on the driver’s side. Neither of which explains the cholo-style chain-link steering wheel or the HOLY SHIT ARE THOSE BARS ON THE BACK WINDOWS??!??  RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, KIDS, IT’S THE RAPEMOBILE!

Additional stats: The Rapemobile eschews “Do Your Ears Hang Low” in favor of Sammy Hagar-era Van Halen.

One more thing: I decided to check out the guestbook of the guy’s early 90s-style website and found this entry:

Ann Coulter    Thursday, 2/12/09, 12:16 AM

I love your van! See, that’s what’s right with America: A person can love a movie so much that they can use their freedom to make such a statement freely. I want to make sweet love to you in that van. Tie me up and take me hard!

From:    Washington DC
Web Site:     AnnCoulter.com
Email:     ann@anncoulter.com

I wonder if it’s really her!

[thanks to /Film for finding this]

UPDATE: As requested by the van owner’s wife, I would like to point out that I was only making a joke about him being a rapist or a child molester.  And, though I thought it was pretty obvious, I’d further like to point out that I have no evidence, nor did I mean to imply that I had evidence, that he likes to rape and/or child molest.  Of course, anything’s possible.


TAGSNEVERENDING STORYrapeSammy HagarVANS

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