10) The Human Centipede*
I have no problem with horror movies and I appreciate extraordinary gore with a childish delight. That’s why I thought The Human Centipede was a disappointment. The idea was unique enough to draw me in, like a clown car crash, but the execution was pitiful. I know a lot of people who loved Centipede, and I suppose I would have liked it more if I had checked reality at the door, but I find that horror movies are at their scariest when I think, “This villain is way too real.” Dieter Laser had me laughing more than he had my skin crawling. More than anything, I refuse to believe that in 2010 we can’t find better actors for horror movies. In the 80s it was adorable, now it’s painful. Show me that the second-hand poop is disgusting, girl!
*Technically this film was from 2009, but it was released in the U.S. in 2010, so there.
9) Prince of Persia
Jake Gyllenhaal isn’t an action star, as much as Maggie Gyllenhaal isn’t a romantic leading lady. Jerry Bruckheimer has also completely lost his touch, if he ever really had it. This film was a mess from start to finish, incredibly boring, and at least 15 years late (what’s next, Excitebike?). Aside from the obvious, it’s the little things that really make me despise movies and in this case it was dialect. Look, I don’t expect this movie to be written in an ancient Arabic language, but I’m pretty sure it’s safe to assume that Persians didn’t have British accents. Jake said that he actually had to learn to speak with a British accent because the rest of the cast was British. This is a f*cking film about Persia! It’s Iran! Hell, even Channing Tatum and Tom Cruise have enough respect for audiences to not even bother with accents when they make period pieces. Jake might as well have talked like a Chinese robot. Admittedly, that would have been awesome.
I want more like this!
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