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01.15.08 146 Comments

In a move that surprised no one, Afghan authorities have banned the import and release of Marc Forster’s adaptation of the Khaled Hosseini novel The Kite Runner.

"On the basis of the instruction of the information and culture ministry, the ‘Kite Runner’ film’s depiction and import has been banned," Latif Ahmadi, the head of state-run Afghan Film told Reuters. 

Containing scenes showing the rape of a boy and ethnic conflict, the pic was deemed by Afghan authorities as unacceptable.

The official went on to clarify that rape itself is not illegal, provided the rapee is your wife, and you consider the raping “important to her education and development.”  Other forms of education are of course banned.

The war on terrorism won’t be over until we convert each and every one of these heathens to Scientology using the power of Hollywood films.  A god who doesn’t require you to pay for enlightenment?  Xenu scoffs at you, Allah, Xenu scoffs. 

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Vince Mancini is a writer, comedian, and podcaster. A graduate of Columbia’s non-fiction MFA program, his work has appeared on FilmDrunk, the UPROXX network, the Portland Mercury, the East Bay Express, and all over his mom’s refrigerator.

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