It happens every year. They start playing NBA games again, three days after the last goddamn season ended, and I look up and say, “Good Lord, they’re playing basketball again?! Jesus.” Not a lot of time off in Davey Stern’s sweatshop. But hey, only eight more months and thirty league-altering trades until you know which random assemblage of players is sort of peaking at the right time! Whee!
Last night marked Greg Oden’s debut as an NBA player, after losing his rookie season to microfracture surgery. And it took a mere 13 minutes for him to sprain his foot and cause Blazers fans to realize that the 60-year-old man their team drafted might have the occasional persistent health problem or two. Oden finished with 0 points and 5 rebounds as Portland fell to the Lakers 96-76. Kobe “Wrong Hole” Bryant went for 23/11/5 in leading the defending Western Conference Champs.
As for the Blazers, they’re left to wonder what other new and horrifying old-guy ailments await their would-be star center. Maybe rheumatoid arthritis will pop up. Maybe Parkinson’s. The possibilities really are quite limitless. Maybe if the NBA gave its players, you know, AN ACTUAL OFFSEASON, this might not be such a recurring issue.
Elsewhere in the league: the fackin’ Celtics beat the LeBron and his LeTeam 90-85. Scar anathah triumph far the hahhhd-warkin’ fans of Celtic Nation! And the Bulls beat the Bucks 108-95 in a game that was watched only by the players participating in it.
For the three of you that give a crap about the NBA right now and want to get your season preview fix, head over to FreeDarko, where they previewed EVERY FREAKIN’ GAME OF THE YEAR. OCD much, gentlemen?