Schellas Hyndman was introduced as FC Dallas' new head coach earlier this week. While they no doubt needed someone tough to deal with the high-pressure environment of Texas soccer, I'm sure the fact that Hyndman is a Combat Ki (which totally sounds like a legit martial art) master who deals out pain to potential attackers by luring them to kick him in his iron crotch puts him way over the top. He's featured around the 22 second mark of the above video with some guy in a salmon polo shirt and high tops punting him in his unpadded groin. Just in case an angry mob from an office cook-out charges the pitch, he'll be ready.
FREE KICK ME IN THE JIMMY