While a beauty pageant is hardly a sport, it is indeed a competition and every so often a pageant comes along that deserves some extra attention. For instance, Angela Scognamiglio bested a field of portly princesses on Saturday to become the new Miss Chubby. Angela weighed in for the contest at 170 kg, which translates to approximately 340 pounds if my international Tons-of-Funometer is correct. When hearing of her conquest, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers offered Angela a six-year deal.
The 20-year old pageant program has one qualifying rule – women must weigh more than 200 pounds. Coincidentally, I shared this same rule for one very shameful semester of college. Angela said she felt like she “won the lottery” by being crowned Miss Chubby, while her proud father declared, “You see-a my bambina? You-a want-a to marry her-a now, yes? Please?”
Breathe heavily while trying to tell us the story, Associated Foreign Press:
Contestants paraded before an audience of 2500 at a local hotel on Saturday night, wearing gowns, or for those who cared to show more, undergarments. Some even dared a little striptease.
But the crucial moment in the contest was the weigh-in, stepping onto a huge red scale where everyone could see the result – with the roundest beauty clinching the title.
There was no big prize for the winner, just a huge cake to share around, and perhaps for all the contestants a boost in self-esteem.
Angela and her fellow contestants admitted that they feel as if they are constantly made fun of and discriminated for their zaftig lifestyle and that this pageant helps them celebrate their pride in their orca curves. The women even spent time visiting the beaches of Italy, which sparked a 1,000% increase in the population of Japanese fishermen.
The purpose of the Miss Chubby competition is to celebrate the inner beauty of these sexy-in-their-own-rights ladies. Of course, I assume that inner beauty is an Italian term for enlarged heart.
(Cast your gaze upon the new Miss Chubby here.)