JEFF BURTON IS VERY CONFUSED

03.18.07 11 years ago 2 Comments

Jeff Burton, driver of the #29 Holiday Inn Chevrolet in NASCAR's Busch Series and the #31 Cingular Chevy in the Nextel Cup, is an avid Duke basketball fan and March Madness devotee.  His love of the NCAA tournament was somewhat diminished by Duke's loss to Virginia Commonwealth on Thursday:

"It was a great game," he said. "It wasn't a fun outcome, but it was fun to watch. That guard that VCU's got is one tough guy. He had some big shots and he was unstoppable.

Perhaps it wasn't fun for Jeff because Duke didn't receive the favorable calls to which they are accustomed.  Perhaps the Blue Devils' drama coach needs to work with Greg Paulus some more.  Perhaps Jeff Burton is an asshole.

Burton loves to use basketball analogies when talking about racing . . . "Last minute in the game, down by one," Burton said last week. "Do you want the ball or not? Hell, give me the damn ball."

No, he's not an asshole, he's just fucking crazy.  I would advise NASCAR to forbid Mr. Burton from racing until he figures out which sport he is playing.  This poor bastard truly has the Madness.  But, on second thought, maybe they should include balls and goals at opposite ends of the oval.  No bumping or defending allowed, as the contestants sped as fast as they could with an oversize orb around the track to score.  It would be just like Olympic hockey.  I'd watch that. -KD     

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