Ah, southern Ohio never disappoints: an 89-year-old woman named Edna Jester has refused to return an errant football that some neighborhood children kicked into her yard. She was taken to the local police station and charged with petty theft after refusing to accept a citation, invoking her right as an American to be the most boring cliche possible.
But before we condemn her as a lame-ass old bitch whose family doesn’t visit her for a reason, let’s not forget that the supposed “good guys” in this story are teenagers. And teenagers are the only human beings as vile as old people. If this planet were the least bit cool, kids aged 13-18 and people older than 65 would be shipped off to camps at the bottom of the ocean where they could focus on things like annoying each other, and trying in vain to breathe.
[Higher quality video available at NBC Chicago]