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The Departing Athlete’s Guide To Taking Out A Full-Page Newspaper Ad

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David Price and Jon Lester both took out full-page newspaper ads thanking their former teams' fans, as it is the go-to move for classy guys.

#craigslist

A Houston Man Is Desperately Trying To Trade 3,000 Porn DVDs On Craigslist

By | 4 Comments

If a guy won't accept a pet zebra for the 3,000 porn DVDs he's trying to trade on Craigslist, then what the hell does he want?

TRADES!

Fire Up The Trade Machine: 10 Dwight Howard Trades That Could Help The L.A. Lakers

By | 7 Comments

It has been a few months since I was finally able to extinguish the last of my raging hatred of Dwight Howard for what he did to my beloved Orlando Magic, but I’m actually glad that I can look at him in a new, unbiased light.

TRADES!

The Miami Marlins Fan Protest That Depressed The Entire Sports World

By | 10 Comments

Remember earlier this year when a dozen or so Miami Dolphins fans showed up to Joe Robbie Pro Player Sun Life their stadium <a href="http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2012/04/a-look-inside-jeff-irelands-draft-day-process.html">to protest the ongoing employment of general manager Jeff Ireland</a> and everyone was like, “Awwwww, those poor fans think they can make Stephen Ross make good decisions”.

#MEMES

Hoo Boy, The Internet Really, Really Hates Miami Marlins Owner Jeffrey Loria

By | 17 Comments

If you didn’t see enough of it last night as the news initially broke, you’re going to see plenty of columns, editorials and fiery rants today about how Miami Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria is a scumbag because he is willingly killing his second baseball franchise because he’s horrible at what he does.

TRADES!

Thunder Fans Are Over James Harden Already

By | 6 Comments

Okay, Oklahoma City Thunder fans, step back from the lighter fluid.

TRADES!

Dwight Howard Is Finally A Los Angeles Laker

By | 17 Comments

<a href="http://sports.yahoo.com/news/nba--lakers--magic-in-blockbuster-four-team-trade-talks-to-send-dwight-howard-to-l-a-.html">Yahoo!’s Adrian Wojnarowski</a> Tweeted yesterday that a four-way blockbuster trade that would send Dwight Howard to the Los Angeles Lakers was imminent, and <a href="http://sports.yahoo.com/news/nba--lakers--magic-in-blockbuster-four-team-trade-talks-to-send-dwight-howard-to-l-a-.html">it appears that it’s done</a>.

TRADES!

Cole Hamels Is Now Much Richer Than You

By | 5 Comments

In a deal that really shouldn’t have surprised anyone, lest a team were willing to deliver an entire bus full of MLB-ready pitching prospects to City of Brotherly Love, the Philadelphia Phillies have <a href="http://content.usatoday.com/communities/dailypitch/post/2012/07/cole-hamels-signs-six-year-144-million-deal-/1#.UA_yPWGe66Q">agreed to a new deal with lefty Cole Hamels</a> that will make him the second-richest pitcher in Major League Baseball, behind C.

TRADES!

How Do You Say Goodbye To A Legend? By Writing An Emo Song About Ichiro

By | 3 Comments

The New York Yankees bounced back from their humiliating 4-game sweep at the hands of the Oakland Athletics over the weekend by not only beating the Seattle Mariners 4-1 on the field, but also by crushing the spirit of the entire city.

TRADES!

Discussion: Does Steve Nash Suddenly Make The Lakers Title Contenders?

By | 19 Comments

Depending on whom you ask, the Los Angeles Lakers either just pulled off a fantastic or terrible trade that makes them instant contenders again or just makes them older.

TRADES!

The Dugout: You Gotta Keep Jim Thome Way Down In The Hole, Part 2

By | 7 Comments

Jim Thome is now a Baltimore Oriole, and "Jim Thome trades" are between "Phillie Phanatic got injured" and "Kate Upton uploaded naked pictures of herself" on the list of important stories for me to cover.

TRADES!

I Was Saying Boo-bama

By | 2 Comments

He should've just gone for it, said "also you're in last place" and done a bunch of crotch chops.

TRADES!

On The Idea That The Jaguars "Need" Tim Tebow

By | 7 Comments

A number of fake Twitter accounts were responsible for yesterday’s bevy of misinformation regarding which team Tim Tebow was actually being traded to, and while it really was quite humorous watching actual reporters deliver false news, it was ultimately frustrating.

#Twitter

Tim Tebow Is A New York Jet, Antonio Cromartie Is Grumpy

By | 12 Comments

Ah Twitter, where athlete rants are born and subsequently apologized for.

TRADES!

Things Are Really Complicated For Tim Tebow

By | 6 Comments

With Peyton Manning officially signed to a 5-year, $96 million deal to be the quarterback of the Denver Broncos, the Broncos are reportedly shopping Tebow for a third round draft pick, despite having originally drafted him in the first round.

UNSUBSTANTIATED RUMORS

About This Whole Peyton Manning To The New York Jets Thing

By | 11 Comments

It has already been a pretty big week for the New York Jets, as they’ve been making personnel changes to repair the problems that have kept them from fulfilling head coach Rex Ryan's wrongly predicted Super Bowl victories before each of the last three seasons.

TRADES!

Eric Gordon Isn’t Crying, It’s His Allergies

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In what I would think is a pretty cool effort to show love to some people who suffer so much, the Los Angeles Clippers sent Blake Griffin, DeAndre Jordan and Eric Gordon on a bus ride with a group of season ticket holders.

TRADES!

Chris Paul Is Still Going To Los Angeles?

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Now that the Los Angeles Lakers have focused their middle market superstar thievery on Dwight Howard, the New Orleans Hornets still need to find a taker for Chris Paul while maintaining a certain level of franchise value for attracting a new owner.

TRADES!

Albert Pujols Murders Rangers Pitching With A Gun In Latest Taiwanese Animation

By | 2 Comments

In case you ever wanted to see Albert Pujols pull out a pistol and shoot somebody in the face, here's Next Media Animation's latest encapsulation of current events.


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