(Reader Peter H. insisted that the Neil Gaiman-inspired moutheyes meme from KSK be applied to Giada de Laurentiis. I’m using it here because even this version of hell is preferable to another picture of the “Jersey Shore” cast.)
The Tonight Show (NBC) — Tonight’s sole guests: Nicole “Snooki” and Mike “The Situation” (inset, with Conan) from “Jersey Shore.” C’mon everybody: let’s help Coney win the ratings battle for just one night.
Funniest Commercials of the Year: 2009 (TBS) — Hosted by Kevin Nealon. On the one hand, it seems retarded that people would tune into a show specifically to watch commercials; on the other, I happen to enjoy non-idiotic commercials, and I like to think this is a carrot to ad agencies to make better ones.
Gordon Ramsay: Cookalong Live (Fox) — I hope they’re airing this on a five-second delay.
The Sing-Off (NBC) — This is on all week. One of the things that bothers me the most about a capella groups is the names. Did you realize that there is actually no limit to the number of puns you can make using the words flat, sharp, treble, tune, note, and bass? It defies mathematics.
Paranormal State (A&E) — Season premiere. College kids at Penn State have their own Paranormal Research Society. The girls are super-easy — all you have to do is convince them that the ingestion of semen increases a woman’s abilities to communicate with the spirit world. Now let’s do it on this Ouija board, baby.