I’m introducing a new tag today: TOTALLY AWESOME LAWSUITS. I’ll be using it any time a former employee uses it to make outrageous claims of a former employer, claims that — whether true or not — make for an amazing story. For example, did you know that Steven Seagal employs sex slaves? It’s allegedly true, according to the civil lawsuit filed by former model Kayden Nguyen against Seagal.
When [Nguyen] arrived [in New Orleans, where Seagal films A&E’s “Lawman”], the lawsuit says, she discovered that Seagal had been keeping two young female Russian “attendants” who were essentially on-call for sex — 24-seven.
On that first night, Nguyen was ushered to a secluded house where Seagal was staying with his wife and the two young women. He then proceeded to treat Nguyen as his “sex toy” despite her complaints, the lawsuit says, responding to her terror as he fondled and manhandled her by saying, “Relax, we won’t do anything special tonight … I’ll save that for another night.'”
She complained the following morning to some of the other employees, assuming that they would deliver the message to Seagal. Hours later, the lawsuit says he assaulted her again, this time forcing her to consume “illegal pills” and inflicting sexual acts on her until she sobbed…
I’m sorry, is that not normal?
The lawsuit says Nguyen told Seagal that she had to leave to meet with family members who would be suspicious if she didn’t show up. Nonetheless, he told her not to leave the house and followed her with a gun equipped with a flashlight as she went out to a waiting cab, which sped away as she jumped in the front seat…
Nguyen’s lawsuit said she could identify a “unique physiological reaction” that Seagal has to sexual arousal, which could be corroborated by the other “attendants.” The suit did not specify what that reaction is.
In Seagal’s defense, he hired a former model with a Vietnamese last name. I’m not saying it’s right to assume that hot Vietnamese women are hookers, but I’d like to think that the timelessness of lines from Full Metal Jacket are an admissible defense in court.