MasterChef (Fox) — Season premiere. Without looking at any online resources, I can’t tell you one goddam difference between this show and “Hell’s Kitchen.” All I know is that I can’t see the name of this show without picturing Demi Moore saying, “Hooyah, Master Chief!”
HGTV’d (HGTV) — Series premiere. It’s like “Punk’d,” except HGTV personalities surprise fans by making over their homes. You just got HGTV’d, sucka!
Secret Life of the American Teenager (ABC Family) — Season finale. This week on “SLAT,” the third season ends with Adrian and Ben prepare for the birth of their daughter. Because I’ve never seen this show, I like to pretend that Adrian and Ben are both dudes.
WWE Tough Enough (USA) — Season finale. I’m sure Brandon can tell you all about it.
Switched at Birth (ABC Family) — Series premiere. Two teenagers learn they were switched at birth, and it sounds like a real drag for one of them: “Instead of getting all cutesy with it, ABC Family gives the concept a little extra depth by making one of the switchees filthy rich and the other poor AND rendered deaf after a childhood illness.” (NBC NY)
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Katie Couric (newly signed to ABC) and Cee-Lo on Leno; Wanda Sykes and “Bachelorette” Ashley Hebert on Kimmel; Don Cheadle and Brooklyn Decker (nice!) on Ferguson; Kathie Lee Gifford on Fallon; weirdly badass German director Werner Herzog on Colbert; and Ice-T on Conan. Also, Letterman kicks off “Drum Solo Week” with house drummer Anton Fig; notable percussionists will guest in the days to come.