Southland (TNT) – Season finale. I know I make this joke every single time I talk about “Southland,” but few things bring me as much joy as pretending that Ben McKenzie’s character is a grown-up version of Ryan from “The O.C.” This is incredibly unfair to the show, which I always enjoy when I catch On Demand. And yet, here we are.
Justified (FX) – PRODUCTION NOTE: Tomorrow’s “Justified” open thread will feature VJ Boyd, who wrote tonight’s episode. Take a bunch of notes so you can ask him a million questions about bourbon and gunshots and what have you.
The River (ABC) – Season finale. If I know anything about science, tonight’s episode should end with the show flowing into a lake or ocean. Get it? Because it’s the finale, and that’s how “rivers” end? These are just some jokes about the environment, people. Try to keep up.
Cougar Town (ABC) – One underrated thing about “Cougar Town” is that you can get together with a bunch of friends to watch the show while getting dumptrucked on wine, and if people ask you why you’re so hungover on a Wednesday morning, you can say “I’m trying to save ‘Cougar Town.’ It’s important to support quality television.”
Raising Hope/New Girl (FOX) – Dermot Mulroney guest stars on “New Girl” as the wealthy father of a student in Jess’s class. I thought about this for a good five minutes, and it turns out I have no opinion at all about this development.
Key & Peele (Comedy Central) – Season finale. This show is neat because when I don’t include it in the listings, people yell at me about how good it is, but when I do include it, people yell at me about how bad it is. I think it’s been pretty good. Fire away.
Dance Moms (Lifetime) – From TV Guide: “Abbey choreographs a gritty number about being homeless.” Well that certainly seems appropriate.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Kristen Bell, Ice Cube, and KISS on Kimmel; Jennifer Lawrence and The Shins on Letterman; Kathy Bates on Ferguson; Ron Paul and Frank Caliendo on Leno (NATURALLY); Jon Hamm (DVR ALERT) and Rachael Harris on Fallon; and Shaq on Conan.