The Bachelor (ABC, 8 p.m.) – Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve noticed more of you saying complimentary things about “The Bachelor,” or at least admitting that you sneak a peek at the TV when your wife or girlfriend is watching. Tonight’s the two-hour finale, where Ben will pick either Southern belle Lindzi Cox or model Courtney Robertson, so you won’t have to feel ashamed much longer. (Though I hate the way her name is spelled, I’d choose Lindzi. Seems like a gal I could take home to ma.) An “After the Final Rose” special airs afterward.
Godzilla (Showtime Showcase, 8 p.m.) – Oh, it’s the Matthew Broderick version? Never mind.
Alcatraz (Fox, 9 p.m.) – “After being unjustly sent to prison, a man returns and starts committing crimes.” So, the plot of every episode?
1,000 Ways to Die (Spike, 10 p.m.) – Tonight’s episode is called “Enter the Ferret,” a bizarre, far-reaching play on Enter the Dragon. Or maybe Enter the Fist? I have no idea, but I do know that I would have loved to been in the writer’s room (an Arby’s) when the 1,000 ways to die were put together. “No, no, no, getting run over by a dozen Shriner cars isn’t a good enough way to be killed.”
Smash (NBC, 10 p.m.) – This is still on and Katharine McPhee is still very pretty.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Will Ferrell on Letterman; Jessica Simpson and Adam Carolla on Leno; “Bachelor” runner-up on Kimmel; Leslie Bibb and David Milch on Ferguson; Joan Rivers and Stacy Keibler on Fallon; Grover Norquist on Stewart; and Katherine Boo on Colbert.