The Tonight Show (NBC) – Jay Leno’s guests tonight are Newt Gingrich and Snooki. JAY LENO’S GUESTS TONIGHT ARE NEWT GINGRICH AND SNOOKI. JAY LENO’S GUESTS TONIGHT ARE NEWT GINGRICH AND SNOOKI.
Dallas (TNT) – I was telling someone recently that it honestly wouldn’t surprise me if a spaceship landed on the ranch and a breakdancing alien named Zorp strolled out, drank all the oil, and zipped back into the cosmos. This show is that bonkers.
So You Think You Can Dance? (Fox) – My favorite part of this show is the dickish, condescending title. I swear to God one day I am going to start a bar exam review course called “So You Think You Can Be a Lawyer?” where me, some pretty lady, and snobby British guy sit at a judge’s table and grade each student’s practice exam out loud in front of the whole class.
A Face in the Crowd (TCM) – Turner Classic Movies is running this old Andy Griffith film tonight. I’ve never seen it, but I hear it’s great. DVR = Set.
Royal Pains/Necessary Roughness (USA) – A couple people have pointed out that Hot Cop from Franklin & Bash showed up on Royal Pains last week. BROS. She’s steppin’ out on our boy Bash. SLUT! [challenges stranger to fight, promptly retreats while announcing "You don't want none, bro! TRUST ME. I will end you, bro!"]
The Soup (E!) – Few people are as perfectly built for their job as Joel McHale is for mocking crappy television. He’s basically my idol.
Futurama (Comedy Central) – On tonight’s episode, Amy and Leela get hooked on a performance-enhancing supplement. When reached for comment, Lance Armstrong said “Who is this? How did you get this number? I can hear you laughing. Say something, you coward! That’s it, I’m calling the police.”
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Kate Beckinsale on Kimmel; Kyra Sedgwick and ESPN’s Mike & Mike on Letterman; Ray Romano on Ferguson; Jeff Daniels and Jenna Bush Hager on Fallon; Sigourney Weaver on Stewart; and Bryan Cranston on Conan (DVR ALERT)