Of all the bad nights of television during the summer, Wednesday is the worst bad night.
Dallas (TNT) — I watch this show because I’m a TV critic and I feel obligated, but honestly, you could watch the first three minutes and the cliff hanger in the last 30 seconds and that’s all you’d need to see. There’s zero narrative movement during the rest of the show.
Jimmy Fallon’s Primetime Music Special (NBC) — Whatever your feelings on Fallon (and I think he’s great in an earnest, puppy-dog kind of way), his musical segments are brilliant. But there’s really no need to watch this special. All the best performances are available online. In fact, here’s the best 10 compiled in one convenient place. That Springsteen joint is the tits.
Baggage Battles (Travel) — I had no idea that lost airline baggage was auctioned off to the highest bidder. I also can’t believe that there’s an entire television show devoted to it.
Top Chef Masters (Bravo) — Season premiere. It’s not nearly the show that Top Chef is — no Padma Lakshmi, so what’s the point? — but it’s a decent diversion for foodies during the summer.
So You Think You Can Dance (FOX) — Christina Applegate is on to judge the top 16, which is not enough to convince me to watch it, but it’s enough for me to mention it. Hey! Remember when she rocked out with Anthrax on Married … with Children? BRING THE NOISE. Good times. (Yes, I’m older than you.)
LATE NIGHT LISTINGS: Dave has Jonah Hill, Kimmel has Jeremy Renner, Fallon has Zack Galifianakis AND Gina Gershon, Ferguson has Matthew McConaughey, and no one you’ve ever heard of are on The Daily Show and Colbert. Kevin Smith is also on Jay Leno, which reminds me that Kevin Smith used to do remote segments for Leno, which should’ve been our first clue that Kevin Smith was headed in the wrong direction.