The Americans (FX, 10 p.m.) – According to my cable guide, tonight’s episode — the second to last of the first season — features Stan getting “unexpected results.” You know what that means, right? STAN IS PREGNANT.
Duck Dynasty (A&E, 10 p.m.) – One-hour season finale. We have mostly ignored this show even though there are some reasonably bright people who swear by it, but I’m mentioning it tonight because the whole clan is jetting off to Hawaii, and I will cover any episode of any show that features a spontaneous Hawaiian getaway.
Psych (USA, 10 p.m.) – Last week’s dual timeline episode was super weird, but good. If nothing else it confirmed that I want Dulé Hill to be my friend. I would say so many crazy things to him just to see the facial expressions he makes in response. “Dulé, look out! A bear! Hahahaha, you looked so scared! Classic Dulé.”
Law & Order: SVU (NBC, 9 p.m.) – Somebody gets raped.
NBA Playoffs (TNT, 7 p.m.) – If I wrote for a sports blog, I would write thousands and thousands of words about NBA players’ tattoos and facial hair. I might even start a podcast about it. Episode 1 would be three hours long and titled “Things I Think James Harden Could Probably Store In His Beard If He Wanted To.”
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Topher Grace and the Mythbusters guys are on Kimmel; Kate Hudson, magician Ricky Jay, and Selena Gomez are on Letterman; Rainn Wilson and Karen Gillan are on Ferguson; Emily Blunt and Black Rebel Motorcycle Club are on Leno; Ricky Gervais, Jessica Paré, and Talib Kweli are on Fallon; and Andy Samberg is on a repeat of Conan.