Ever since Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi gave birth to her son, Lorenzo, she has been living with the belief that she is now an expert in parenting. First, she reached out to Channing Tatum after the birth of his daughter, Everly, through her MTV Celebaby Blog, with advice for the young actor on dealing with a baby girl and when to approach his wife, Jenna Dewan Tatum, for sex. If anything, Snooki is all about priorities.
Now, though, the former Jersey Shore starlet is targeting the world’s most famous mom-to-be, Kate Middleton, as Snooki wrote her a letter about what to expect after she gives birth. You know, because Kate’s gonna do it all on her own.
Dear Duchess of Cambridge aka Kate Middleton,
Waiting for your little Prince or Princess to arrive, I am sure you are prepared for your life to totally change—even more than it already has. In the beginning, right when you take your royal golden nugget home to the castle is the most exciting experience of your life. I couldn’t wait to wake up in the middle of the night to take care of my little prince Lorenzo.
But that lasts for about a few days. Then it’s like, “I love you but OMG stop crying! I’m exhausted.” The lack of sleep you will get used to—just do your makeup, put a tiara on, and you’ll look beautiful as usual.
Be sure to sing to your baby a lot, too! When I sing to my booger, he calms down and stares at me like he’s in love, which makes me feel amazing—or he’s just trying to tell me to shut the hell up because I can’t sing.
Anyway, music calms them down. I’m pretty sure you can have anyone you want over to sing to your little one … maybe a lullaby from Elton John?
I have no doubt that you will be an amazing mom, but talking to other moms helps, especially being a new mommy. I think we can now add Goddess to your list of titles.
Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi (Via Your Tango)
As much as I’d love to make fun of that letter, it’s actually pretty sweet at its core. Especially coming from the woman responsible for some of my favorite ridiculous GIFs: