Key & Peele (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.) – Let me be very clear about something so there’s no confusion: If you come up with the name “Bismo Funyuns,” the season premiere of your sketch show gets top billing in the listings. This is my promise to you.
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia/The League (FXX, 10-11 p.m.) – Snoop Lion appears on The League tonight, checking off one more box in his apparent goal to appear as himself on every television program in existence.
The Bridge (FX, 10:00 p.m.) – From TV Guide: “The killer’s endgame is revealed during a showdown on the bridge.” Just hear me out on this one … what if he’s been sent from the future like the Terminator? What if that actually happens? How hilarious would that be?
Survivor: Blood vs. Water (CBS, 8:00 p.m.) – Season 27 premiere. TWENTY-SEVEN? Jesus.
Big Brother (CBS, 9:30 p.m.) – GinaMarie, Spencer, and Andy battle it out in the season finale. Seems like a good time to remind you that Spencer refers to Andy as “Kermit the F*g” and GinaMarie calls welfare “n*gger insurance.” Sooooooo go Andy?
Broadchurch (BBC America, 10:00 p.m.) – This show has been stacking up in my DVR for weeks. I’m not emotionally capable of handling it and Breaking Bad at the same time.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Aaron Paul and Hannah Ware on Kimmel; Bryan Cranston and Amanda Seyfried on a repeat of Letterman; Megan Mullally and Tommy Lasorda on Ferguson; Christina Aguilera and Joy Behar on Leno; Chris Hemsworth and Tony Danza on Fallon; Hugh Jackman on Stewart; and Seth Green and Lizzy Caplan on Conan.