Production Note: We’re off tomorrow. See you back here on Thursday. Merry Christmas!
A Christmas Story Marathon (TBS, 8:00 p.m.) – The annual TBS marathon of A Christmas Story kicks off tonight and extends through the day tomorrow. Feel free to read our list of facts about it, then park yourself in front of the television.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (ABC, 8:00 p.m.) – Watch the original animated version at 8:00, then CHANGE THE CHANNEL AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE to avoid the live-action Jim Carrey version at 8:30.
It’s a Wonderful Life (NBC, 8:00 p.m.) – I’d be terrified to see a world where I didn’t exist. What if there were, like, flying cars and very professional and imaginative eight-armed octopus-human-hybrid bartenders, and it turns out it was my presence on Earth that was preventing them? I’d jump off that bridge so fast it would make your spin.
Christmas Twister (ION, 8:00 p.m.) – NOTE: This movie stars Casper Van Dien from Starship Troopers and is a thing that actually exists. If the rest of the movie is anything like this clip, I may need to clear out two hours to watch it at some point.
The 12 Dogs of Christmas (CW, 8:00 p.m.) – From TV Guide: “In a Depression-era Maine town that bans canines, a 12-year-old girl tries to get the mayor to change the policy.” More than anything else in the world, I want the mayor of this town to end up being a cat in disguise.
A New York Christmas to Remember (CBS, 11:35 p.m.) – Regis Philbin hosts, because apparently if he isn’t on television at least 60 hours a year he shrivels up and dies like a malnourished houseplant.
Doctor Who: The Time of the Doctor (BBC America, 9:00 p.m.) – The Doctor Who Christmas special will be preceded by an hour-long tribute to departing Doctor, Matt Smith. I mean, it’s no Christmas Twister, but..
A Mel Brooks Christmas Marathon (Sundance, 6:30 a.m.) – Sundance is showing Mel Brooks movies all day, including the 1968 and 2005 versions of The Producers, History of the World, Part I, and Young Frankenstein. There are worse ways to spend an afternoon.
Duck Dynasty (AMC 3:30 p.m.) – My schedule says A&E is running 12 straight hours of Duck Dynasty beginning late tomorrow afternoon. That oughta teach Phil Robertson a lesson!
The Soup (E!, 10:00 p.m.) – Part one of the year-end clipdown will be co-hosted by Dan Harmon and Joel McHale’s Community castmates. If Magnitude doesn’t show up, we riot.
Syfy Christmas Movie Marathon (Syfy, 9:00 a.m.) – Because nothing says Christmas like Ice Quake and Snowmageddon.
Tarantino Movie Marathon (Encore, 11:30 a.m.) – If you’re looking to start a spirited conversation with your siblings, corral all your little nieces and nephews and have them watch Reservoir Dogs. Fun times for everyone.
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