Not everything at the Daytime Emmys ceremony in Beverly Hills last night was a complete train wreck, as my colleague Dustin suggested earlier in the day. While the majority of the categories at this event meant very little to me – Dr. Oz won an Emmy because timing means nothing – there is one category that should have been of the utmost importance to every television-watching human being in this great country. The Emmy for “Outstanding Game Show Host” was awarded to the Family Feud’s Steve Harvey, as if there was any other game show host on this planet who could even come close.
But for the sake of “fairness,” whatever hippie nonsense that is, let’s take a look at the other nominees:
Wayne Brady, Let’s Make a Deal (Yawntown, Population: Me)
Jeff Foxworthy, The American Bible Challenge (Next stop, Snoresville)
Todd Newton, Family Game Night (A who and a what now?)
With all due respect to those hosts, they never stood a chance.
I’m not one for ballpark figures, but I’d estimate that Danger Guerrero and I talk about how great Steve Harvey is on Family Feud at least six times a day. This Daytime Emmy win just validates our eternal admiration for this man. It’s also an excuse for me to spend way too much time going through the Family Feud archives on YouTube to pick out 10 of my favorite clips from this past year to really hammer home the point that Harvey is the best.
Why 10? Because that’s the perfect number for a perfect game show host. Survey says… Yes, that’s some good ass-kissing right there.
10) Steve sings “Rhythm N Boobs”
I would watch an all-new version of Family Feud that has the contestants singing every answer. No, scratch that. A show with Harvey just riffing the whole time. Nobody actually answers questions, nobody wins. Well, we win, but that’s it.
9) Who’s better at sex?
I miss the days when game show hosts referred to sex as whoopee.
8) Let’s see Steve in his man panties
“Man panties” should be added to our daily slang. Sure, it sounds strange, but everything sounds strange at first. Like that long period in college where I didn’t wear man panties because laundry was too expensive. That period was called college.
7) You don’t want an elephant in your pool
Even when he’s telling a lady that her answers suck, Harvey is the kindest game show host on TV.
6) People always play Hide N Seek in the bedroom
Forget Richard Dawson, Harvey is Family Feud’s best all-time ladies’ man. He can even perv out with a female contestant right in front of her husband, that’s how good he is. Hell, he’s been married three times, so he’s a natural.
5) Steve Harvey just needs to be spanked
It’s a wonder that people complain about this show’s lack of family values.
4) “I don’t know how to phrase this…”
Harvey’s look of disbelief can’t be taught. It can’t be bottled and sold. It’s one of a kind.
3) Strip solitaire is a thing
I don’t get the shock here. Strip solitaire is painfully real.
2) The Statue of Liberty is a typical man
“In your dreams, statue.”
1) What is Steve Harvey doing on the red carpet with panties?
“You shut up and do like I tell you.” That’s a command to America to keep adoring Steve Harvey, the Outstanding Game Show Host of 2014 and beyond.