A few things:
1) Lifetime is making an unauthorized Britney Spears biopic. This is somehow both shocking and the least shocking thing ever. Because on one hand it’s kind of like “Holy crap!,” but on the other hand, I mean, of course Lifetime is making an unauthorized Britney Spears biopic. Remember the Saved by the Bell one where Screech moped in a dojo? Or the Anna Nicole Smith one where she wore clown makeup in the trailer? Or the one where Rob Lowe played a mustachioed Drew Peterson and said, “I’m untouchable, bitch”? It was always coming to this, really. The bigger surprise is that it hadn’t happened already.
2) Lifetime just released the promo pictures for the movie. I’ve posted one of the fictional Britney, played by Australian actress Natasha Bassett, at the bottom of the screen. You are welcome to look at it at your leisure, but we will not be discussing it. Instead we will be discussing the picture of the movie’s fake NSYNC.
3) Look at that picture of the fake NSYNC.
4) My God, it’s perfect. All of it. From Fake Justin’s bleached tips to Fake Joey looking like the bad guy in a teen movie who is dating the main character’s crush but is a jerk to her and drives her around on his motorcycle and eventually loses her when our hero gives her a heartfelt speech in front of the school, even though in real life that would probably end with him getting beaten to a pulp in the parking lot.
5) Fake JC Chasez looks like he’s 14 years old.
6) Look at Fake Lance Bass.
8) This almost makes me angry that Lifetime hasn’t done an unauthorized NYSNC biopic yet. Check that, it does make me angry that Lifetime hasn’t done a unauthorized NYSNC biopic yet. The story has everything: teen fame, creepy Lou Perlman running his Ponzi scheme, Timberlake rocketing to stardom as the rest of the group gets pushed out of the spotlight. For the love of God, Lifetime. Do this. I’m begging you.
9) I can’t wait to see the the on-screen dramatized version of the Britney/K-Fed relationship. Kevin Federline was practically a Lifetime Original Movie character in real life already. This Lifetime-squared version of him might just pop and lock right out of the screen like a dirtbag version of the girl in The Ring and impregnate a home viewer.
10) Golden Age of Television, people.