There’s a lot going on through three episodes of FX’s limited series The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story. We’ve seen the media and public get whipped into a frenzy over the double murder, we’ve seen an entire episode dedicated to the infamous white Bronco chase, and we’ve seen the legal teams on both sides start to develop their respective strategies. Among other things, O.J. Simpson almost committed suicide in Kim Kardashian’s bedroom. It’s been a wild ride.
But there’s one storyline that’s been gliding under the radar a bit, and I think it’s time we give it the coverage it deserves: David Schwimmer sure is calling O.J. Simpson “Juice” a lot. Technically, “Robert Kardashian” is calling O.J. Simpson “Juice” a lot. But if you can look at David Schwimmer and see anyone other than David Schwimmer, bless your heart.
How much is “a lot?” Well, lucky for you, I have been keeping count. Here is the episode-by-episode tally so far:
- Episode 1: 7 Juices
- Episode 2: 13 Juices
- Episode 3: 7 Juices (including one “Uncle Juice” to his children)
This brings us to a total of 27 Juices through three episodes, for an average of an even nine per episode, provided we don’t want to consider the episode two figure an outlier that was artificially inflated by the stress of the Bronco chase. It also raises a very important question: How many times will Schwimmer call him Juice over the limited series’ entire 10-episode run?
Let’s look at the numbers.
Number of Juices needed to make it: 23
Juices per episode: 3.29
It will take a little more than three Juices per episode to reach a total of 50. Piece of cake. He can do that in his sleep. Literally. Just have the next cold open be him having a nightmare like “Juice… No, Juice… Juice… Come back, Juice… Juice, you can’t skateboard in Brazil… Juice” and keep the camera on him for five-straight minutes. Bingo bango. Fifty.