HBO released a teaser for its upcoming movie Game Change, based on the best-selling book that chronicled the 2008 election, and it looks interesting I guess but LORD HAVE MERCY I have no interest in turning this into a discussion about politics or which party and/or candidate hated America the most. I’d rather try to eat a frisbee. So, instead, I’ll make these two observations:
– When Julianne Moore first appeared on stage, I thought to myself “Wow, she really looks like Sarah Palin.” But then I realized EVERYBODY looks like Sarah Palin if you pile their hair on top of their head and put some librarian glasses on them. It’s such a signature look at this point that you could probably put DMX in that get-up and people would be like, “Huh. I never realized how much he looked like Palin.” (Just so we’re all clear or this, DMX in a Sarah Palin costume would be the funniest thing ever. It wouldn’t even be close. — AWESOME UPDATE BELOW.)
– Since everyone who’s interested in this stuff already knows most of the details, they should have spiced things up a little. Like, maybe they could have turned McCain into my favorite stock movie character of all time: the gruff police chief. He could call Palin into his office and start yelling about what a live wire she is, and how, DAMMIT, the head of the RNC is gonna have his ass for her reckless shenanigans. Then she’d yell back “I GET RESULTS,” and he’d take her off the case and order her to stay away from Cortez’s warehouse even though Cortez killed her partner and is flooding the streets with tainted dope. Then she’d go undercover and take the whole gang down with only the help of her canine sidekick, Gipper. Also, let’s change her name to something like Mallory Justice or Paige Lawless. Now THAT’S a movie I would watch.
Courtesy of commenter Squabbler, we have confirmation of my DMX as Palin theory. WHAT Y’ALL READERS WANT? UH.