Gather ’round, kiddies, it’s time for a story.
Once upon a time, this post was going to be about NBC narrowly beating out ABC to climb out of last place in this season’s Nielsen ratings. But then I looked into things a little more and realized that those numbers included both Sunday Night Football and the Super Bowl, which is a little like saying “Meryl Streep and Snooki have been nominated for a combined 17 Academy Awards.” So that story was stupid. Then I stumbled across a story about Britney Spears allegedly walking off the set of “X Factor” after a contestant performed a terrible rendition of her song “Hold It Against Me.” But I did some more research into that news as well, and there are some conflicting reports about what happened (Britney tweeted that she was “just taking a little break”), and I really did not feel like doing a he said, she said, OMG IS BRITNEY CRAZY AGAIN MAYBE post, so I scrapped that one, too. Post time was approaching quickly and nary a word written was in the open draft. Things were looking bleak for our hero.
But then, like a light shining down from heaven, I came across a GIF from the upcoming Syfy movie Jersey Shore Shark Attack where Joey Fatone gets eaten by a shark, and I hurriedly posted the everloving sh-t out of it. And we all lived happily ever after.