Here’s What The Characters On ‘Mad Men’ Would Look Like Today. Sort Of.

04.26.13 16 Comments

So, okay. The FW made these Photoshops of what the characters on Mad Men would look like today, 45 years from the show’s current 1968 setting. I’ve posted a few here, and you should probably check the rest out at the site. It’s a fun little exercise and I give them all the credit in the world for giving Roger Sterling high-waisted pants and a busty nurse (because, well, yeah), but I’m afraid I need to put on my Guy Who Ruins Everything Fun cap and make one small point: Most, if not all, of the characters on Mad Men will be dead long before 2013.

I mean, obviously Roger Sterling will be dead. Assuming he’s about the age of the actor who plays him, John Slattery, that puts him around 95 in 2013. Nope. Not a chance. It’s a miracle he even made it this far, what with the chain smoking and continuous alcohol consumption. And Don Draper? Definitely a goner. There’s no way a man who lives that hard and under that much stress lives to his mid-80s. And that’s not even taking into account the possibility that he gets murdered, like, next episode by his wife or one of the many husbands who have been unwitting angles in a Don Draper love triangle.

And speaking of murder… how has someone not murdered Pete Campbell yet? If the world was fair and just that weasel would have already been strangled by a stranger who saw him walking down the street in his stupid blue suit and thought, “Well, I’m supposed to go to the dentist, but I am definitely going to have to kill this sh-thead first.” No jury in the land would convict him, either. His entire defense could be “Hey, your honor, come on, right? I mean, that guy?” and the judge would bang his gavel and send everyone home in time for Maury. Same thing happens when Sally Draper murders Betty in her sleep. To quote a wise man in a cowboy hat, “It was justified.”

The only people who might — might — see 2013 are Peggy, Joan, Ken, and Harry. Joan lives hard, sure, but the idea of her going all Mean Girls in an upscale Connecticut assisted living community is too delicious, so I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt. The others are young enough and in reasonably good condition, so they’ve at least got a puncher’s shot.

But, that said, I could totally see Harry dying, right after landing a huge client, by slipping on a banana peel on his way out of the building and falling down an open manhole. Can’t rule it out.

(Via @popculturebrain)

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