08.26.09 8 years ago 22 Comments

Local news story of the year: a Florida strip club was employing two underage girls (15 and 17 years old); the mother of the 15-year-old called police, who took the girls into custody; a news crew went to the home where the 911 call was made, looking for the younger girl; the girl’s grandmother answered the door and attacked the news crew with a garden hoe (watch the first-person attack footage here).  This is me starting a slow clap across the Internet.

The club said the girls claimed they were over 18. Police said the club owners could not produce IDs for the teenagers who detectives said have been working at the club for months… Police said the 15-year-old has not been in school since seventh grade. Truancy concerns, as well charges against club owners, are pending.

This story comes to us via WESH, serving the wider Orlando/Daytona Beach area, AKA the Heart of America’s Wang.  Here are some headlines for other local news stories on WESH’s homepage.  I did not make any of these up:

Boy, 16, Charged With Raping His 4-Year-Old Niece

Sheriff’s Deputy Arrested On Stalking Charges

Teen Crashes Into House During BMW Joy Ride

Agents Find Cocaine In Woman’s Bra

Elderly Beauty Queens Vie For Pageant Crown

Those are just the five best.  I didn’t bother to include “Police Say Student Sold Drugs For Tuition Money” or the teenage stripper/grandma hoe attack.  And all those are the headlines for only one PART of Florida. You’ve got some serious catching up to do, Ohio.

[YouTube vid via Buzzfeed]

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