If you’re ordinary, and you love Christmas, I have just the spot for you. It’s called Granny’s Fancy Kitchen Table. Opened and subsequently condemned in 1976 after a knife fight between burn victims, Granny’s Fancy Kitchen Table is a creation of Fatty Urkles. This place has everything: Ghoulish depictions of Americana, nine-year-old pimps disguised as a wholesome American family, an old man who’s not wearing pants and, of course, Spud Webb. And look who just walked in: Tranny Griffith carrying a hollowed-out turkey full of drugs, condom balloons, and lubricant. Don’t be fooled by the holiday setting: Underneath the table there’s an orgy of midgets, gimps, sunburn drifters and gay scientists swimming in a kiddie pool full of mashed potatoes, gravy, and the severed limbs of melted Barbie dolls. It’s just the place to capture the holiday spirit.
(Buzzfeed via Burnsy)