SECRET OF ‘SMOKE MONSTER’ TO BE REVEALED!

02.12.09 8 years ago 4 Comments

So angry. So full of carcinogens.

The secrets of the Smoke Monster — the plot device that the writers for “LOST” use when they need characters killed but don’t have any realistic options — will soon be revealed, according to Daniel Dae Kim, who plays Jin on ABC’s hit show.

[Kim said] that the origin and nature of the malevolent dark cloud will be disclosed and viewers will even get a glimpse of its lair.  Turns out the monster is as “old as the island” that’s been home to the Oceanic jet-crash survivors and their foes.

Oh, but that’s not all.  Warming Glow has obtained a full list of the Smoke Monster’s other secrets — the secrets that ABC doesn’t want you to know!  You’ll be surprised to learn that the Smoke Monster…

  • Voted for Nader.  Twice.
  • Doesn’t trust Asians or Hispanics and sometimes tells racist jokes, even in mixed company
  • Struggles with sexuality issues.
  • Was added to the script when J.J. Abrams lost a bet.
  • Claims Catcher in the Rye is favorite book, but has never read the whole thing.
  • Was an orphan, which explains its past as a cutter.
  • Has paid for sex.  A lot.
  • Will do some crazy shit for an 8-ball.  Shit you don’t even want to know about, man.

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