I don’t watch “Wife Swap” because the title describes something that should be way more sexy than the reality of the show, so I missed the recent episode in which the liberal-elite Stephen Fowler of San Francisco traded his life-coach wife for Gayla Long, a well-meaning Missouri simpleton. Fowler, a British expatriate, brow-beat Long to the point of tears, calling her dumb, fat, uneducated, and so on. He also managed to insult almost every subset of American culture and come off as an ignorant, elitist prick.
The resulting fallout from Fowler being King Dickhead of North America has forced him to apologize, and his wife admitted that he needed “professional help.” Yeah, professional help caving in his skull with a claw hammer.
Wait. Did I just offer to kill him for money? So I did. That was a mistake. I’ll do it for free.