Workaholics/TripTank (Comedy Central, 10:00-11:00 p.m.) – Tonight on Workaholics the dudes enter a basketball tournament, which they try to win with the help of Mexican steroids, as you can see above and below. Later, the premiere of TripTank, which appears to be weirder than a salsa-dancing octopus. Here, see for yourself.
The Americans (FX, 10:00 p.m.) – “Elizabeth attempts to access Capitol Hill. Meanwhile, Stan weighs the costs of Nina’s protection.” Please God let Stan be “weighing the costs” via a five-minute, uninterrupted scene of him screwing around with an abacus.
The Soup (E!, 10:00 p.m.) – Patton Oswalt guests. You watch.
The Middle/Suburgatory/Modern Family/Mixology (ABC, 8:00-10:00 p.m.) – I stopped watching this entire line-up around the time Mixology premiered. I feel okay about it.
Melissa & Joey (ABC Family, 8:00 p.m.) – Yvette Nicole Brown from Community guest stars. That’s the only reason I’m mentioning this show.
Legit (FXX, 10:00 p.m.) – Okay, need an honest opinion from the peanut gallery here. I’ve been meaning to watch this show, but it’s just been getting squeezed out of my busy viewing schedule. Do I need to be watching it or what? Help me help you help me.
Worst Thing I Ever Posted (E!, 8:00 p.m.) – From TV Guide: “Commentators offer humorous insight when talking about bad celebrity behavior on the World Wide Web. Included: Amanda Bynes ranting on Twitter; Chris Brown on Instagram; and naked selfies.” Pass. In other news, the worst thing I ever posted was this GIF of a goblin shark. YOU’RE WELCOME.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Bill Clinton and Manny Pacquiao on Kimmel; Lady Gaga and Martha Stewart on Letterman; Denis Leary and Cat Deeley on Fallon; Bob Costas and Steve Coogan on Meyers; Samuel L. Jackson on Stewart; and Simon Helberg on Conan.