Post-dental surgery videos are pretty much always a recipe for comedy gold — if the “wisdom teeth” page on Uproxx is any indication — and such was the case when Zach Woods got his own molars removed recently, just days before he was to stop by Conan on Tuesday night. But in the case of the Silicon Valley star, who seems very much like the nebbish characters he plays on TV, he recorded a message in a drug-induced haze out of fear he wouldn’t be able to speak during the appearance.
As Woods explained his ordeal, which involved a mid-surgery existential crisis and loudly calling a couple of frat guys “sluts,” he told Conan, “Yeah, because I knew I had this today and I was worried that I was going to be messed up still, so I didn’t know if I would be able to talk … so I thought like if I was mute, I got to record — I recorded you a message right after, because before the drugs wore off I thought maybe I can’t talk, so I thought I’ll make a message for Conan now, so if I can’t talk, he’ll have a message.”
What follows is a disheveled, bloody-mouthed Woods informing Conan that they should start a career as drug addicts and then immediately apologizing for the gory nature of the video. And true to form, only Zach Woods could give a post-opp message that includes the phrases “goodness gracious” and “demure Victorian woman.”