In a report that seems like it was lifted right out of the public service announcement highlight reel from Talladega Nights, the town of Maryvale, Arizona is currently dealing with a horrifying problem that is forcing many residents to live as prisoners in their own homes. According to My Fox Phoenix, packs of stray Chihuahuas are roaming the streets and actively recruiting other stray dogs to join their mangy gang of rejects, and they’re all barking and pooping like they own the place.
Fortunately, one brave reporter was able to set out for the most important local news story of the year, or maybe just this hour, and he asked all of the questions that need to be asked, like, “How many dogs are there?” That’s a pretty important question, because there doesn’t seem to be an exact number. Some people say 15, while one guy said 12, and all of the pictures they show have just one or three dogs, and I keep laughing because Chihuahuas are the dumbest-looking little dogs ever.
(Buzzkilling update: The local news is full of Chihuahua poop.)
What’s important to remember is that if you’re in the greater Maryvale area and you encounter one of these gangs of street toughs, contact someone immediately and climb the nearest tree. Sure, the lady in the video says to try to contain the dog on your own, but don’t do that unless you are able to trap it in a box with some meat and you have a broom or stick.