Feel Cleansed In 2017 As Stephen Colbert Reveals His Deepest Darkest ‘Midnight Confessions’

Late Show quarterback Stephen Colbert has a bunch of deep dark secrets he’d like to share with you and a studio audience. Keep it all under your hat, okay? Maybe it’ll nudge you to unburden yourself of your own secrets and score a smash album like Usher. Or your marriage might dissolve along with your career. That’s the magic of secrets! Danger!

Colbert shared an assortment of “Midnight Confessions” with an understanding gaggle of tourists and assorted strangers on Friday. The sins unfurled from the CBS host’s soul aren’t exactly the most juicy confessions, but they are silly and funny and could damage this man’s ability to ever get a rental car again. Ideally, the Young Pope can sort out that last hiccup.

“Forgive me, audience. I don’t stretch before I exercise,” offers Colbert. “Because I don’t exercise.”

Robert Durst set the startling confession bar pretty damn high with The Jinx, so Stephen Colbert’s brand of fessin’ up is a nice change of pace on TV. Speaking of Colbert on TV, the Late Show star brought his focus on president-elect Donald Trump into the new year. Last night’s broadcast included Colbert breaking down how Trump’s thumbs (claimed to be of normal size) have already caused trouble in 2017.