Basketball fans have come to expect a certain level of entertainment with the NBA regular season, and this year has been no different. Remember when Dwight Howard said he would go to the Dwight House if he won a title? Or when Michael Beasley was asked when he started getting his hot hand and responded with his birth date? Or what about Klay Thompson finding out his streak of 95 consecutive games with a three-pointer ended, which led to him responding “Oh well”?
On a nearly daily basis, someone in the NBA has given us a quote that has left its mark. We decided to compile all of them, starting with several spectacular September soundbites and going all the way through the All-Star break.
Without further ado, here are 100 mostly hilarious, but also sometimes insightful, quotes from the first half of the 2017-18 NBA season:
“I mean, he didn’t die, mate.” — Steven Adams, on losing Enes Kanter as a teammate.
“I’d go to the Dwight House.” — Dwight Howard, when asked if he would go to the White House if he won a championship.
“One team all-hoodies versus one team that believes the earth is flat.” — Enes Kanter, on his idea for a new All-Star format.
“We still have no clue of what being born white means … It’s like you’re at the 50-meter mark in a 100-meter dash, and you got that kind of a lead. Yes, because you were born white.” — Gregg Popovich.
“You can’t put a price on happiness.” — Kyrie Irving, when it was suggested he left money on the table to leave Cleveland.
“You guys hear of the movie ‘Constipation’? No? (pause) That’s because it hasn’t come out yet!” — Giannis Antetokounmpo, telling a joke on media day.
“He was a good dude and was fortunately tall. Had a nice touch, I guess.” — Dirk Nowitzki, on the legacy he hopes to leave behind.
“It’s so funny because it’s like you inviting me to your party, right? As a matter of fact, it’s not like you invited me. It’s almost, like, ‘Tom, hey, I’m not going to be able to make it. I’m not coming and then you would be like, ‘LeBron, guess what? You’re not invited. I wasn’t coming anyways, so that was funny to me when I woke up and saw that. So, my first initial response was, you bum.” — LeBron James, explaining why he called Donald Trump a bum on Twitter.
“I will never pinpoint anything because that’s not what real grown-ups do.” — Kyrie Irving, on why he wanted a trade out of Cleveland.
“I’m making a lot of U-turns right now. I apologize to everyone who’s probably honking their horns at me.” — Gordon Hayward, adjusting to driving in Boston.
“I don’t even know what these kids listening to in rap these days.” — DeMar DeRozan, on having younger teammates in the locker room.
“I threw it a little too high but I seen who I was throwing to and he went go-go gadget and went and got it.” — Courtney Lee, describing the experience of throwing an alley-oop to Kristaps Porzingis.
“He said he was at a hair salon. I didn’t believe that to be true. He won’t be with us going forward.” — Suns general manager Ryan McDonough on Eric Bledsoe’s tweet.
“They call me Jaythoven because I be on the keys.” — Jaylen Brown, on his rapper name.
“His father put him in the lions’ den with some pork chop drawers on.” — Snoop Dogg, on Lonzo Ball.
“I ain’t never went 1-22 at nothing. Nothing.” — LeBron James, on the Cleveland Browns.
“I thought it was the perfect metaphor for our conditioning.” — Steve Kerr, describing the fake Klay Thompson in the crowd.
“Like coach Brad said, the little things aren’t little things anymore in the grand scheme of things.” — Kyrie Irving.
“I’m the king. My wife is the queen and my daughter is the princess so we got all three covered.” — LeBron James, responding to Enes Kanter calling him a princess.
“I think I’m at 81 percent.” — Joel Embiid, after Jalen Rose said he was unprofessional say his conditioning was at 69 percent.
“He’s been watching Disney Channel a lot. Maybe his favorite shows have been coming on.” — Lonzo Bell on why teammate Brook Lopez has been playing well.
“I’m like the brother that just got out the pen.” — Nick Young on joining the Splash Brothers.
“I wouldn’t say altercations, but I would say altercations.” — Kelly Oubre Jr. on what constitutes an NBA rivalry.
“I wanted to see how cash consideration was playing over there.” — Jordan Bell, on his money celebration against the Bulls.
“We didn’t want to lose to these guys. Especially Joel Embiid. He would’ve went straight to Twitter and talked sh*t.” — Kevin Durant, after beating the Sixers.
“Now we know what it feels like to blow a big lead.” — Joel Embiid on Twitter after losing to the Warriors.
“January 9, 1989.” — Michael Beasley, on when he started feeling the hot hand.
“He takes like 30 dribbles and it’s hard to guard somebody when they have that many dribbles.” — Kyle Kuzma, on defending James Harden.
“Where I’m from bullies get bullied. In my hood bullies get bullied.” — Zach Randolph to DeMarcus Cousins during a game.
“I’m African, don’t try me.” — Joel Embiid, brushing off a physical exchange with Carmelo Anthony.
“Sh*t, that motherf*cker was wide open! He better shoot that motherf*cker. If you ain’t shoot that sh*t, I might’ve slapped them worms right off your motherf*ckin’ head.” — Jordan Clarkson, after Brandon Ingram hit a game-winner.
“Is it classless to say, happy days are here.” — Laurel D’Antoni, on returning to Los Angeles, referencing Magic Johnson’s quote when the Lakers fired Mike D’Antoni in 2014.
“The pose was iconic. I didn’t put the shot on a shirt. I put the pose. The pose is everything. That was the best part about it. The shot, thankful it went in. But the pose, it just set the tone for everything else.” — Dion Waiters, reminiscing about his game-winner vs. Golden State last season.
“I don’t give a damn about percentages, honestly. All I care about is wins.” — Russell Westbrook.
“I don’t necessarily think of Christmas as a holiday.” — Kyrie Irving.
“It’s the most realistic basketball game you could ever play. I mix and match a lot of lineup changes to see how we can be really good. I’ve done that.” — LeBron James, on figuring out how to integrate Isaiah Thomas into the lineup by playing NBA 2K.
“Kobe says you miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take. Tonight I missed all hundred.” — Kristaps Porzingis, after going 0-for-11.
“I’m playing the best basketball of my life, and I’m drinking some wine pretty much every day.” — LeBron James.
“Nothing. I do that. That’s what I do.” — Russell Westbrook, on what was going through his mind after dunking on Thon Maker.
“Man, they got to do something in The Q. Somebody call ‘Bron.” — Kevin Durant, after beating the Cavs but realizing there was no hot water in the locker room.
“One of the bands that I love so much and Canadians, people hate: Nickelback … Chad Kroeger is amazing. I love him.” — Lucas Nogueira.
“Because we got the best player in the world.” — Tyronn Lue, on why he believes the Cavs are still the best team in the East despite their slump.
“It’s better than Henny.” — C.J. McCollum on wine.
“The league was a lot different then too though. It was kind of allowed [then]. It was part of the entertainment. Now we’ve got a bunch of tweeters.” — C.J. Miles, on how the league has changed in the last 10-20 years with regards to fighting.
“Oh well. Who cares.” — Klay Thompson, when told his streak of 95 consecutive games with a three was over.
“I’m an ambassador to just life in general.” — Kyrie Irving, when asked if it was important to be an NBA ambassador.
“Man, don’t give Drake that much credit.” — Kevin Durant, when he was asked whether Drake contributed to the raucous environment at Air Canada Centre.
“It’s a different culture in LA. No more soft sh*t here!!!!!” — Patrick Beverley on Twitter after the Clippers-Rockets secret tunnel game.
“Boy, you must have no life watching us on film.” — Mike D’Antoni to reporter Chris Herring after he asked a question about watching the Rockets on film.
“Only thing on my mind right now is the ice tub.” — DeMarcus Cousins, after putting up 44 points, 24 rebounds and 10 assists.
“His job is not as hard. I mean when your job is that hard you don’t say sh*t like that.” — Kevin Durant after Clint Capela said the Rockets are better than the Warriors.
“We just kept the foot on their nut and just kept pushing.” — Jordan Clarkson after a Lakers victory over the Knicks.
“I hope we don’t give up as many points as Cleveland did last night.” — David Blatt, after the Cavs allowed 148 points. His All-Star team gave up 151 points that evening in Turkey.
“If Kevin was out there, they might have given us 170.” — Tyronn Lue, after Kevin Love left that game early with an illness.
“He’s Salah at shootaround, and he’s ‘The Mej’ at night. It’s two different people. At shootaround, he’s a nice guy and can barely move. At night, The Mej is out. … He doesn’t have friends out there. He just wants to help us win.” — Dirk Nowitzki, on teammate Salah Mejri.
“I’m old, and I have never experienced anything like this.” — Brett Brown, on the Markelle Fultz saga.
“Just because you get voted in, it don’t mean you’re an All-Star.” — Russell Westbrook, on All-Star voting.
“Ugly uniforms.” — Steve Kerr, on what he’s seen from the Timberwolves this season.
“It’s an example of Kyle busting his butt for the team.”— Dwane Casey, after Kyle Lowry injured his butt against Brooklyn.
“Our bad.” — Portland’s social media account responding to Kevin Durant saying it’s nice someone finally picked him number one.
“The best players/Teams have the shortest memory whether GOOD or BAD! They say it can’t storm forever. We will get it right!” — Isaiah Thomas on Twitter in late January.
“There’s nothing you can do. All you can do is tell the truth. That’s it.” — Jason Kidd, to Giannis Antetokounmpo after he was fired.
“He asked me if I was still coming to his birthday party, and I said, ‘Yeah, I’ma try.’’ — Blake Griffin, on what Trevor Ariza said to him in a scuffle.
“I don’t remember scoring any points or getting any rebounds.” — Gregg Popovich, on passing George Karl for fifth on the all-time wins list.
“His dad was talking sh*t so I took him out early.” — Luke Walton, on why he pulled Lonzo Ball in the first quarter.
“That motherf*cker is strong. He hit me with one screen today and I thought my life was over.” — Jimmy Butler, on Steven Adams.
“That’s like looking in your couch for a couple quarters and finding a $5 bill.” — a commentator after Michael Carter-Williams hit a three-pointer.
“Nightlife. You should’ve seen Ron Adams last night, got in at 4:30 a.m.” — Steve Kerr explaining a loss in Utah.
“I’m here for the long haul. I’m here for this season right now.” — LeBron James.
“Montell Jordan could help us right now.” — a member of the Cavs, after being asked if DeAndre Jordan would help them right now.
“I officially have no comment. C.J. was hot. Whoo!” — Blazers owner Paul Allen after C.J. McCollum scored 50 points.
“I know better than to criticize anyone for that.” — Draymond Green, on Steve Kerr accidentally tweeting what he thought was a direct message.
“He gotta get No. 23 from Draymond.” — David West, on reports LeBron James would consider joining the Warriors as a free agent.
“He calls him a spy, says he could be working for Putin.” — Steve Kerr, on his son Nick, who works for Gregg Popovich.
“When I say cryptic sh*t, it’s on Twitter.” — LeBron James, on his Instagram.
“I think I’d like being a sneaker guy. Fancy sneakers look great! It’s just that I can’t get past feeling ridiculous wearing the giant technology LeBron plays 47 minutes in to, like, go buy milk.” — Dan Devine.
“I guess I can share my city with him again.” — Udonis Haslem, after finding out about Dwyane Wade’s return to Miami.
“Don’t go 0-for-6 or else they’ll trade your ass.” — Channing Frye, after being traded.
“He’s a three-way player. Add the ability to draw fouls and you’ve got a four-dimensional player. He can get you to the rim. He can get you in mid-range. He can get you from the three. He can facilitate. Then when the game’s on the line, he was his best.” — Erik Spoelstra, describing James Harden.
“Baynes is a big boy man. He should be, in his off time, he should be on Game of Thrones … him and Steven Adams.” — LeBron James, after colliding with Aron Baynes.
“I’m a big believer that if you continue to look back at your past, you’ll trip over the future that’s ahead of you. I don’t care what happened before. We’re here to start something new.” — George Hill, on joining the Cavaliers at the trade deadline.
“Just having to count on each other and not having to hear my voice, and this sort of sounds like Charlie Brown’s teacher, parents, whoever’s voice that is, at this point, that’s who I sound like to them. They needed a different voice.” — Steve Kerr, on why he let his players coach themselves against the Suns.
“Everybody just loves to hate on the Warriors. Whatever we do, they don’t want to just say they hate us, so they’re going to make excuses up on why they don’t like us or why it was disrespectful. Who gives a sh*t?” — Kevin Durant.
“We live in a racist country and it’s always important to bring attention to it, even if it angers some people.” — Gregg Popovich, on the importance of the NBA celebrating Black History Month.
“Olive Garden is the perfect Valentines Date place fyi.” — Quincy Pondexter.
“No one has ever done what I’ve done in basketball. Only if people knew it’s bigger than basketball, in being able to connect with a different culture in a game where over 300,000 million play. That’s the whole America!” — Stephon Marbury, making his case for being a Hall of Famer.
“I stop caring about fashion maybe 5-6 years ago. I bought a gucci t shirt for $400 wore it once, washed it, and decided i wouldn’t make a habit of buying that stuff. Polo tees. Slim fit medium. 3 for $40.” — Lou Williams.
“I have failed as a father.” — Bill Walton, after finding out Luke Walton was ejected from a Lakers game.
“One of the bigger songs is, ‘I’m not going to waste my shot.’ You don’t want to throw away those opportunities.” — Josh Hart, on what he learned from Hamilton.
“Based in Philly baby, I love his single Money Longer. Stay tuned to see more of his performance during Inside the NBA later tonight. MONEYYYYYYYY LONGERRRRRRRRRRRRR. Lil’ Uzi Vert.” — Kevin Harlan, doing his best promo read ever.
“Joe Johnson is a 7x All Star who has made $215M and played in ATL, MIA, NYC, and now HOU. Exits the playoffs early *when* his team makes them and has never received any type of scrutiny or criticism. Best NBA career ever.” — @DragonflyJonez.
“I wish.” — James Johnson, when asked if any NBA player has tried to troll him on social media.
“I feel like I just made it a thing when I shouldn’t have been.” — Kevin Durant, on creating a beef in his head with Russell Westbrook after leaving Oklahoma City.
“That’s out! Paul ain’t going nowhere. It’s over for that.” — Russell Westbrook, responding to Lakers fans chanting for Paul George on All-Star media day.
“I’m a fall guy.” — Kevin Love, explaining his new clothing line with Banana Republic in the fall.
“10 point dunk rating system is trash. Dunk contest judges should each powerank all the dunks as they go, players advance based on cumulative positioning; it assures transcendent dunks from any point in the contest are rewarded while making the judging way more personal.” — Spike Friedman, with the best solution for fixing the Slam Dunk contest.
“Between LeBron’s 40 million followers and Kevin Durant’s 17 million followers on Twitter, Laura Ingraham has now introduced herself as intolerant and narrow-minded to 57 million people around the world.” — NBPA executive director Michele Roberts.
“The best thing she did is help me create more awareness. I appreciate her for giving me even more awareness. I get to sit up here and talk about social injustice, equality, and why a woman on a certain network decided to tell me to shut up and dribble. So, thank you, whatever her name is, I don’t even know her name.” — LeBron James, responding to Fox News’ Laura Ingraham.
“I love this country and honestly tried my best.” — Fergie, on her national anthem performance at the All-Star game.
“Asked Uber to turn music on. He Went straight to hip hop station. I said na put that Tom Petty back on. Made him nervous then I said Na just kidding turn at Cardi up lol.” — Lou Williams.
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