The All-Kim Kardashian Team: 5 NBA Marriages That Hit The Rocks

We all saw this coming. Maybe we thought it’d last for a year or so, perhaps just long enough to film another TV show, but it at least had a shot for that, right? Nope, this was inevitable. Kris Humphries will just have to do what he does for a living: rebound.

Kim Kardashian filed for divorce today from her new (I guess it’s now ex) hubby Humphries, and HumpDash is officially off. Too bad. We were really starting to like those two. Kardashian was reportedly pissed at Humphries’ “lockout work ethic” which basically included running from bar to club with his boys, feasting in the glow of the spotlight and the freedom of no basketball. So what if he was throwing himself an extended honeymoon? Let the man bask in his glory (he did pin down Kim K). Still, when Kim K calls you out on your work ethic, you have problems. Let’s just say she’s not Ari Gold.

Their marriage didn’t last, but it’s not the first. Here are five “marriages” from the past few years that truly didn’t work out in the NBA (I promise not to mention anything involving a dude named LeBron, or Brent Barry, Tony Parker and the San Antonio Spurs).


Gilbert Arenas In Orlando
You think I need to give him more time? That’s plausible. There are just a few problems. First of all, Dwight Howard doesn’t have much time left before free agency. If he doesn’t believe in you now, you better go through some major changes to convince him by next summer. Arenas is also turning 30 in January, and his three-point percentage dropped all the way to 27 percent in Disney World. For someone who’s gone through enough surgery to make even Hollywood proud, it’s not a good sign that his jumper is waning. Are his legs gone?

Perhaps Arenas starts at the two this year and turns it around, giving Orlando 15-17 points a night and finds his three-point shot again. But I’d be surprised.

[Related: 10 NBA Players In Need Of A Bounce-Back Season]

Detroit’s 2009 Spending Spree
They gave Ben Gordon $55 million. They gave Charlie Villanueva $35 million. That’s cake. $18 million a year going to two guys who don’t even consistently start for them anymore, and never really did. Basically, the year before LeBron signed in South Beach for $14.5 million for 2010-11 (just as Chris Bosh did), the Pistons spent a lot more and came up with less. Way less. Before they got to Detroit, Gordon and Charlie V. combined for just under 37 points a night. Last season, that number sat at 22.

Both of these guys are talented, and could possibly be worth the money in another situation. Detroit just has to suck it up: no matter what happens in the D, they aren’t getting a return on this investment.

Shaquille O’Neal In Phoenix
The idea was nice. The execution wasn’t. Phoenix jumped on the “Go Big Or Go Home” bandwagon with Shaq just a little too late; Perhaps five years too late. While I didn’t agree with it at the time, trading Shawn Marion was probably the way to go. He was the team’s ace, but his days as an All-Star were limited. It’s just too bad they traded him in for damaged goods.

Even though he made an All-Star team in the desert, it was common knowledge around the team that O’Neal’s penchant for driving up his own numbers hurt the overall makeup of the Suns. He stole their identity. This was another arrow through the heart of what could’ve been multiple Phoenix championships.

[Related: The Best Team That Never Was]

Travis Outlaw Signing In New Jersey
Do I really need to get into this? Talk to a Nets fan about Outlaw and you’ll feel like you’re talking to someone who just lost their dog. Either that, or they’ll be spewing so much vent-up anger that it might scare you. I always liked Outlaw’s game, and while he’ll probably never live up to $35 million, I think last year was a little bit of an aberration. He’s not 9.2 points a night and 37 percent shooting bad. In Portland, he was solid. But so far, there’s really nothing you can say besides this was a terrible move and the two sides better find some common ground.

Allen Iverson Anywhere That He Wasn’t A First Option
This is self-explanatory. Although Alley I is doing whatever he can to get back into the game – and appears willing at least in his words, to play anywhere – really the biggest (and perhaps only) reason he isn’t in the league already is because he’s had a hard time accepting change. In Detroit, it was a disaster for him; traded for Chauncey Billups, the deal looked so one-sided that it was shocking. Of course, Detroit has become a melting pot for the dead and the ugly. So we can at least give him a break for that. But his abbreviated stay in Memphis that followed was just as bad.

It took him a week to start complaining that Mike Conley shouldn’t be starting over him – selling it by saying no one who’s not as good as him should be starting over him – and failing to realize it’s not always about that. Three games into the experiment, and the future Hall of Famer was gone. Even his final stop in Philly produced lukewarm results, and ended about as unceremoniously as you can get from one of the most popular players of all-time.

What was the worst NBA “marriage” you’ve seen in the last five or so years?

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