Well, it’s that time of the week again, the time when I celebrate you, the frequently-funnier-than-me FilmDrunk comments section. As always, use the comments section of this post below to nominate for next week (via simple copy and pasting). This week’s winner gets a spankin’ new, two-color FilmDrunk shirt (design by Marc at Encompus) — now available in Kelly Green AND red! You can buy one here. I actually found a cheaper way to mail them, so I lowered the shipping costs. OWNING A FILMDRUNK SHIRT IS NOW CHEAPER THAN EVER! YOU’D HAVE TO BE A RETARDED EUNUCH NOT TO BUY ONE!
And now for your winner. If we were counting cumulatively, Chino Moreno would no doubt have locked up her millionth CotW prize, but for best single comment, I had to give the nod to The Jersey Devil in Clint Eastwood Befriends a Squirrel Named Lola.
The Jersey Devil says:
Clint: *aims rifle* GET OFF MY LAWN !!
Lola: Squeak! Squeak, squeak!
Clint: No, not you, Lola, I’m talkin’ to that fat-ass gook bitch over there.
Kim Kardashian: Are you talking to me, creepy old guy? Do I know you?
BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!
Clint: Here, Lola, have another peanut.
I’m a sucker for the absurd, and that was pretty high level. In fact, I’d pay to see that stretched into a full-length piece of Clint Eastwood-in-Gran-Torino/squirrel fan fiction. But it’s true, I always say that.
Here are your honorable mentions:
Mel Gibsons Beaver Puppet says: HEY, SUGARNUTS!!!!!! YOUR TAIL LOOKS STUPID!!!!! MY OLD RACIST WILL BURY YOUR OLD RACIST IN THE ROSE GARDEN!!!!!!
Chino Moreno: Maybe he just got confused and thought it was a Chip ‘n Dale movie.
Naturally, the The Red Tails trailer (the one with dub-step) inspired the usual, borderline-racist chucklejerk:
Jacktion says: This movie is obviously about a squadron of Soul Planes.
ChinoMoreno says: The biplanes fly on the down-low.
Jacktion says: It’s nice to see a movie about black guys dogfighting without any references to Michael Vick.
ChinoMoreno says: They’re the best pilots because they never go down.
elle07 says: Ugh, it’s just…if it’s a period piece the music should be something more along the line of The Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy From Company B. I’m sorry, I meant The Boogie Woogie Bugle MAN From Company B. Some of my best friends are World War 2 flying aces.
Erswi says: NI99AZ WIT ALTITUDE
Good Grief says: George Lucas? Dubstep? Pilots? Do they fly Skrillex Wings?
Stinky Pete says: Needs less dubstep and more Mötorhead.
I think that last one… was a reference to “Ace of Spades.” Which is an unbelievable stretch for a joke about old-timey racism.
galwaygirl says: I thought wiigbalking were small end tables from IKEA
Good Grief says: Andy Serkis for Eazy E. He is, after all, the Gollum of NWA.
Patty Boots says: He’s like the Game of Throne’s crow’s redneck cousin. But instead of leading you to your destiny via abstract dreams, he’ll tell you that symbolism is for pussies and you should man up, bitch.
Isn’t that a Miller Lite commercial?
ChinoMoreno says: I’ve been working on containing a queef, but they always escape the box
Mustafa Dystrophy says: After being pepper sprayed the man vomited, then looked down at the mess and said “Puke, I am your father.”
Shop 101 says: I’d throw her a wobbly ball, if you know what I mean. No? Me neither.
(tucking it under and running, that I’d be familiar with)
Donkey Hodey says: Green Lantern is actually a pretty good movie to rent if you know a 12-year-old you want to distract for a bit while you plow his mother.
Alternately, Real Steel is a pretty good movie to rent if you know a mother you want to distract for a bit while you plow her 12-year-old son.
That does it for the best of last week, folks. I hope you’ve all been sufficiently validated. Congrats, Jersey Devil, email me your shirt size and color.