Senior Editor
09.18.07 30 Comments

Don't call it a comeback; he's been here for years.  That's right, Steven Seagal, the man for whom the highest compliment I can pay is that he could probably kick Van Damme's ass, is currently working on a direct-to-DVD action thriller that he also wrote.  

The story centers on a detective who travels the world in pursuit of serial killers. He finds himself in Memphis hunting two murderers while also chasing his own demons.

At first I was like, "Stephen Seagal can write? He can't even dress himself."  But then I remembered his cameo in Live From New York, and realized he's been throwing around ideas for years. 

David Spade: He didn't want to go along with what the plan was that week, and as a result, I think that was the first week that I heard talk about replacing the host and just doing a cast show.
Julia Sweeney: When we pitched our ideas for Seagal at our Monday meeting, he gave us some of his own sketch ideas.  And some of his sketch ideas were so heinous, but so hilariously awful, it was like we were on Candid Camera.

He had this idea that he's a therapist and he wanted Victoria Jackson to be his patient who's just been raped.  And the therapist says, "You're going to have to come to me twice a week for like three years," because, he said, "that's how therapists fucking are.  They're just trying to get your money."  And then he says that the psychiatrist tries to have sex with her.

Hoo boy.  Three thoughts: 1. Awesome sketch idea.  2. Anyone else thinking he should hook up with Uwe Boll?  They're operating on the same wavelength, it's fascinating.  3. I get the feeling this experience got incorporated into "Celebrity Jeopardy."  

[Source: Hollywood Reporter

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