T’was the night before Christmas, on the Uproxx page,
And the Internet’s legions were all stirred up with rage,
They’d been given a gift — Star Wars: The Last Jedi,
“Complaints?” the OG fans wrote, “You bet I…”
“…Have issues with Luke, Rey and Finn,
In fact, I’m so pissed… where to begin?”
The rants poured forth, a few of them vile,
So let’s check out the food page for awhile.
It’s a quite civil place — not to say we don’t bicker,
But when tempers are lower, forgiveness is quicker.
Today our fair topic is tarts, brulees, and cakes,
So let’s tease one another’s most minute mistakes.
When comments get going, it’s a hell of fight,
Perfect for warming a cold winter’s night.
So come Tronner, come Verbal, come Dancer and Blitzen,
Fartakiss, get in here, be sure you get hits in.
Tell us how Santa would be ashamed of our treats,
How our texture is mushy and our cakes look like feets.
Keep it fun, keep it fresh, keep it nice, keep it light,
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!