Life

Friday Conversation: What Is The Finest Breakfast Meat On Earth?

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This week, we’ve had all kinds of food on our mind. From crickets to garbage food to Whoppers with strangely colored buns, the selections have been unique to say the least. So, let’s bring it back to the good stuff (unless crickets are your bag) and see what our staff had to say about some of their favorite breakfast meats…

Ashley Burns

Steak. No need to be specific, because any cut makes for a fine breakfast when it’s resting on a nice bed of hash browns and covered with two runny eggs. But for the sake of my own breakfast preferences — and this truly is the most important and delicious meal of the day — my ideal cut is a skirt steak seasoned with a spicy chipotle rub. Hash browns and eggs included, throw in two slices of thick cut bacon (the peppered Archer Farms bacon at Target is fabulous for the price) and a slice of toasted sourdough bread, and we’re in business. (For the record, the best version of this breakfast that I’ve ever had was at Founding Farmers in Washington, D.C. It was spectacular and would be my dying wish, narrowly edging out lighting a 1952 Topps Mickey Mantle card on fire.) Also, for ultimate bliss, I strongly recommend a glass of bourbon (Buffalo Trace, preferably) with a splash of apple juice and several blueberries and blackberries for your necessary fruit intake. I’m going to make this for breakfast this weekend now that I’ve talked about it, so please let me know if you’d like before and after pictures.

Dan Seitz

Currently, my favorite breakfast meat is chorizo. Yes, I know, it’s sausage, but it’s delicious spicy sausage. Plus my neighborhood is like a third Brazilian-Americans, so the diners and breakfast places around here buy it fresh. There’s nothing like fresh chorizo with eggs.

Stacey Ritzen

I already covered this in our “shameful food admissionsFriday Conversation, but being a lifelong Philadelphian (or Philly-adjacent), I’m gonna go with scrapple, every time. I didn’t know that it was made of cornmeal and pig buttholes when my mom gave it to me as a kid, and when I was old enough to know, I sure as hell didn’t care. If you’re feeling fancy, try it as a garnish on your Bloody Mary. Ooh la la!

Jamie Frevele

Call me predictable, even call me basic, but bacon wins it for me, hands down, every single time. I love anything with a smoky flavor, so if there’s bacon in something, I will eat it. Even if it doesn’t belong there, like in a sweet dish that’s predominantly cinnamon, brown sugar, chocolate, and/or maple. Bacon makes it better. And if bacon doesn’t come with it, I am f*cking ordering it so I can put it there myself. I’m not even that picky about it, even though nothing beats that perfect, harmonious state of bacon where it’s both chewy and crispy, slightly thick, but not like you’re biting into a slab of bacon. Bacon is powerful. You don’t need a lot. And that is why bacon is magic. Yes, I have completely, 100 percent fallen for the bacon craze. But I draw the line at food. None of this bacon chapstick bullsh*t. Evacuate the universe at once, bacon chapstick. You’re disgusting and ruining bacon.

Steve Bramucci

When you’re cooking sausage and the fennel starts to toast up and release aromas — that’s a special moment in the culinary world. Or sausage patties with blueberries (try it, believe it). Ham sliced into ribbons and fried up with a little maple syrup… Ah, f*ck it. The answer is bacon, right? Does the best anything beat the worst bacon? I’m not sure. Bacon, final answer.

Ryan Harkness

Those greasy flat sausages McDonald’s gives you instead of the tube-shaped ones you’re used to. At first, you’re like, “What the hell is this jazz? Why do they think they can get away with giving me a Sausage McMuffin patty instead of a real sausage?” But then you start eating that spiced disc of mystery pork, and it makes you rethink your entire conception of breakfast meats and meats in general. This whole tube thing… what’s that about? So medieval. Patties are the future. Patties are the NASA of meat shapes. All hail the sausage patty!

So, Uproxx readers, let’s hear your opinions: What’s the most glorious breakfast meat?

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