It was just last month that a gang of French thieves pulled off a daring four-ton cheese heist, and if there’s anything that goes well with 8,000 pounds of stolen cheese, it’s 40,000 pounds of stolen hamburger meat.
Which brings us to this: According to state troopers, a man dressed as a trucker loaded up 40,000 pounds of hamburger meat — valued at more than $100,000 — at the Nicholas Meat plant near Loganton, Pennsylvania with the stated goal of making delivery in Wisconsin, but here we are, two weeks later, and the meat is nowhere to be found. And the plot thickens, as the Associated Press reports, because the authorities “later discovered the driver used a fake ID to get the delivery contract” and “the company information on the truck was also fraudulent.”
That’s right, people. We got a full-on burger heist.
The obvious question here is what, pray tell, one does once one has stolen 40,000 pounds of hamburger meat. You almost have to assume there was a buyer already lined up, like another meat processing plant that had fallen on hard times and made the move in desperation. But that doesn’t mean I can’t dream that the whole thing was done in cahoots with the French cheese heist gang and all of them are now drinking celebratory champagne in a warehouse filled with 160,000 cooked cheeseburgers. It was almost too easy.