McDonald’s Embraces Our Dystopian Future With Bleak New Uniforms


In a clear reaction to the future liberals want, McDonald’s has picked up the sewing needle and thrown down the gauntlet. “In 2017,” the chain’s new uniform seems to bleat, as if through a tinny PA system, “everyone will bow down to the clown or face expulsion to the colonies. Now, please move forward and collect your Big Macs in an orderly fashion.”

Seriously, if you’re a college kid and want to shoot a dystopian movie, you can probably film on the sly at your local McD’s. Check these out:

“Join us. It is the only choice.”

There are two reasons that these garments — is there any other word for them — seem so problematic: One, they fly in the face of the fun and familial atmosphere that the company’s “I’m Lovin’ It” tagline has worked so hard to push; two, as noted on Paleo Future, the designer outfits, which were created by Waraire Boswell and Bindu Riva, make it look like McDonald’s has totally bought into the reality that America will soon be made up of 12 districts (13 is gone; 13 never existed) surrounding the capitol and that all people will quickly become expendable.

Why bother pretending that the workers are anything but machines, the outfits seems to say, and gray and black are so easy to clean. They cover the blood stains so well.

“Desolation reigns”

According to a press release by McDonald’s, the new uniforms were conceived with the feedback of employeesand customers (all of whom had apparently just read The Giver). In addition, McDonald’s states that 70 percent of employees are “proud” that they can wear something that cements McDonald’s image as cool and “modern” and hope that the outfits are another step forward to resolving the never-ending conflict between Oceania and Eastasia.

From the statement:

“Our new collections focus on comfort, fit, functionality and contemporary professionalism, delivering a uniform that crew and managers will feel comfortable to work in and proud to wear,” said Jez Langhorn, McDonald’s Senior Director of HR. “Beyond that, it’s another step in the company’s continuous effort to raise the bar by investing in people and improving the restaurant experience with a focus on hospitality.”

Better get a taste for the chain’s offerings now, before “afternoon cravings for a Filet-O-Fish” become compulsory.

“We are always watching, always listening.”

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