Why can’t fortune tellers have babies?
Because their husbands have crystal balls.
What’s that? Stick with food writing? Fine — but let’s keep it on the mystical front today. Can you see who you’ll marry with an apple peel? Do tea leaves know way more about the future than you do? Will a guy marry you if you bite his fig (ouch)? Let’s take a look at some of the kookier mystical foods out there. And who knows, maybe you’ll try one and it will work. And maybe I’ll be a billionaire tomorrow!
Dare to dream!
APPLES
How could Eve ever have said no to an apple? They’re delicious, juicy and keep doctors away from you. They naturally help to keep your teeth clean and can be better at making you alert than coffee. But what secrets do they hide?
Apple Seed Fortune Telling: Cut open an apple and count the seeds. The number will predict your future.
1- A surprise in the near future *OMG A BABY!
2- Good luck *OMG A BABY!
3- Bad luck *OMG A BABY!
4- Wealth *WOOT LOTTO
5- An early marriage *OMG A BABY!
6- Fame *Is Cops still on TV?
7- Travel *Treat Yo Self!
8- Abundance! *More apples!
Apple Peel Marriage Guide: Peel an apple in a spiral and toss the unbroken peel over your shoulder. It will fall in the form of the first letter in your future honey’s name.
Stem Divination: Hold the stem and spin it around while saying the alphabet. It will pop out when you get to the letter of someone’s name. SOMEONE YOU WILL COPULATE WITH!
ONIONS
It’s annoying when your onions start to sprout…UNLESS they’re trying to tell you something! Can’t decide between the hot dude at work and the hot dude at the gym? Buy two onions and carve each of their initials into one. Which ever sprouts first is the one to choose. Phew, that was a close call.
Don’t eat the green bits in onions or garlic, though, or I predict a stomach ache.
TEA LEAVES & COFFEE GROUNDS
To read your fortune, take a look at the residue left after you’ve drunk or removed the water. There may be symbols, letters, faces. The closer a picture is to the rim of the cup, the sooner the event will happen. Tea leaf reading is very open to interpretation, which means you’re likely to see what you want to see.
Let’s see…I see London, I see France…oh wait, I’m looking at the wrong thing.
FIGS
There’s nothing sexier than a fig hanging low from a tree slowly drying out. Or…maybe I need to get out more.
Supposedly, growing a fig plant indoors will bring good luck. It’s also considered an aphrodisiac and if you bite into a fig someone else is holding, you will become instantly infatuated with the holder. So, don’t run around biting the figs of people you’re not into. What would your mother say?!?
