This Is Why You Accidentally Blurt Out ‘I Love You’ After Sex

Life & Culture Editor
04.03.17

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Picture this: You’ve just had sex, you’re feeling good, and your partner — whomever they may be — hasn’t yet asked you to leave. You’re laying back on sheets of Egyptian cotton, thinking about getting a glass of water, and then suddenly it happens: Some terrible memory from your past comes barging into your mind, demanding that you share it with your paramour immediately. Or you’re suddenly hit with the overwhelming urge to just take a deep breath, open your mouth, and blurt out “I love you” … like that’s not going to freak anyone out.

Is your face red right now? We’re only asking because ours are. But here’s the good news: There’s a valid scientific explanation of what’s going on and if you’ve ever overshared after sex, you’re absolutely not alone in being mortified.

According to a new study, titled, Sex Unleashes Your Tongue and published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, the reason why you’re likely saying things you don’t mean (and will regret later) has to do with how sex creates a sense of intimacy (sometimes false) that allows you to feel like you’re really close to another person. And when you want that closeness to last, especially just after you’ve finished doing something so intimate, of course your scumbag brain is going to whisper at you to start talking about personal things in the hopes that you can bring the other person in even deeper into your inner world.

From Refinery 29:

The new findings were a compilation of the results of three different studies that examined this phenomenon, all of which had the same outcome. In each study, when people were exposed — consciously or unconsciously — to sexual stimuli (a sex scene from a movie, for example), they were more likely to disclose an embarrassing person story to a potential partner than people who were exposed to neutral stimuli. This self-disclosure is a strategy to bring people closer together and foster intimacy in a budding relationship, increasing the chances that the couple will bond and remain connected for some period.

Awk-ward. One second things were going great and now someone is going to refer to you as “crazy” to their friends and it wasn’t even your fault. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: Your brain is truly out to get you and it won’t stop until everything around you has gone up in flames.

Refinery29 suggests that the next time this happens you “blame it on science,” but, come on, is that really going to work? Imagine telling someone something super personal and then, when you’ve realized that it was a huge mistake, trying to explain it away with facts and figures. Even if you’re right, your partner(s) will think you’re pretty weird.

So what should you really do? Probably just keep this post in the back of your mind and keep your mouth closed after you have sex with someone not yet ready to hear the intimate details of your life. Just fake falling asleep. That’s always the safest option.

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