How do you look your child in the eye and tell them there’s no such thing as “tater tot” pizza? It’s a brutal point of your kid’s upbringing that we imagine parents agonize over night after night and we’re here to let you know that you don’t have to experience that struggle anymore. New Zealand has cracked the code. Either that, or they just said “f*ck it, whatever” and that’s noble too.
According to the good people at Eater, the New Zealand branch of Pizza Hut has introduced its most important innovation since the marmite-stuffed crust pizza: The “Hash Bites Crust.” This marvel includes tater tots (or “gems” depending on your region) as a key element of the crust. As you can tell from the photo below, there’s nothing particularly sophisticated to this variation. It’s just good ol’ fashioned gluttony and who are we to chowshame?
It looks like the glorious reign of “Hash Bites Crust” in New Zealand has come to a close, but the chain has brought back their “Cheeseburger Crust” to allow the natural flow of “limited time offer” edibles to continue on without much disruption. If we had more gourmand cred, we’d probably spend less time wondering what tomato mustard could do for our takeout order.
Of course, American Pizza Hut isn’t going to trudge on like they have no interest in the novelty pizza game. The chain announced the reveal of the “Stuffed Garlic Knots Pizza” just in time for the great Super Bowl catering arms race. Here’s how VP of Marketing Jared Drinkwater sums up Pizza Hut’s latest creation:
“We always want every pizza night to feel like a special occasion. By combining a humungous appetizer portion of 16 cheese-stuffed garlic knots with a great-tasting large Pizza Hut pizza, we have created the Stuffed Garlic Knot Pizza. Now, with an appetizer and pizza all in one, our customers have the unique ability to make a night in feel like a night out.”
We won’t say anything if you feel like dumping a salad bowl of tater tots onto that knot-heavy pizza. That’s between you, your god and your very worried nutritionist.