Here are some things we know about Queen Elizabeth II, the reigning monarch of England: She won’t die as long as Charles is in line for the throne, she looks damn good wearing a hoodie and driving a range rover, and she likes to get hella drunk during the day. This last fact comes to us via a new report by Esquire UK, which has detailed the queen’s drinking for the rest of us who aren’t allowed to get sloshed at work around 11:30 AM.
Before getting into this breakdown, we’ve got to get something straight: No one here is judging the queen. Instead, we are all very impressed by how much she can drink, and if it was all good with our bosses, we would also all spend our days sippin’ on gin & juice while petting our fat, adorable, in-bred corgis and snubbing Camilla Parker-Bowles for reasons that are surely valid if not quite understood.
Now that we’ve got that cleared up, here’s what she drinks on a daily basis via PopSugar:
She gets started right before lunch, enjoying a gin and Dubonnet (a wine-based liqueur) with lemon and lots of ice, then a glass of wine with her meal. A few hours later, she has a dry martini, followed by a glass of Champagne in the evening (there are eight different Champagne producers at the palace including Bollinger, Krug, Lanson, and Pol Roger, which was also served at William and Kate’s wedding).
The queen drinks so much — around 42 drinks per week — that she meets the criteria for being diagnosed as a binge drinker in the UK. But let’s be real, if you were the queen, wouldn’t you get drunk all the time, too? Not only is drinking fun — even Charles starts being fun after you’ve had a few — but it’s probably the only thing that gets you through the day when you’re 90 years old, grumpy as hell, and still have to go to horse races and hospital openings when all you want to do is stay home and point out mistakes on Downton Abbey, which is a thing the queen reportedly does. Wonder how she feels about The Crown. Doesn’t matter, everything’s good when you’re drunk and eating pizza and kebabs. (We’ve decided that’s what she eats and we’re sticking to it.)