In Which We Power Rank All The Reasons It’s Better To Be Alone For The Holidays

12.23.15 3 years ago


Ready or not, the holidays have arrived. Time for parties, presents, and painstakingly mixed cocktails. Themed cookies and cakes shall soon crumble into your waiting mouth, and your family (as awesome as they are) may soon drive you insane due to their unavoidable proximity.

This time of year, the absurd notion that couples have more fun than “lonely” singletons gets floated a lot. But that’s just not true. To prove the point, we decided to power rank the advantages of flying solo through holidays:

9. Fewer Presents, Less Stress, Mo’ Money

No more time or money shall be wasted on buying a present for the person who hates everything. No more hope shall ring false while watching someone feign delight at your painstakingly selected gift. No more disingenuous energy shall be expended as you pretend to really appreciate a boiled-egg slicer.

Instead, you can order a pizza, dance in your underwear, and appreciate the true spirit of the season. At least you’re not this miserable guy:

8. You Will Not Be In Danger Of A Feared Holiday Breakup

This point seems obvious, but did you realize that the holidays are the most popular times for breakups? If you’re single, you won’t waste any time crying into your hot Kahlua and vodka. No one will dare to ask you to behave reasonably and stop drinking.

Best of all, there will be no ridiculous arguments in the manner of this couple.

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