Pop A Bottle Of Champagne And Dim The Lightsssssss, It’s Snake Mating Season


NSFW- A group of horny snakes in their pleasure den.

We’ve all had the uncomfortable experience of a significant other accidentally leaving their PornHub history open on their computer. As much as you know you should just close it out and leave them their privacy, it’s right there. You have to check their history, right? So you do it. You check their last five searches. But you always regret it. Because every single time you do, you find out that they only ever search for the same thing. “Super Sexy Snake Orgy.”

Well, that still fresh wound is about to get reopened, guys. Because it’s mating season for red-sided garter snakes, and thousands of people (really 3000 people a day) are heading to Manitoba, Canada to the Narcisse Snake Dens to watch a bunch of reptiles make sweet love to each other. These snakes are live, nude, and ready to party. And your mother was right, you’ll never be able to compete with them. Never.

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The Narcisse Snake Dens have the largest concentration of the red-sided garter snake in the world, and when mating season arrives, they come out in full force. Piles upon piles of males descend upon females begging to mate with them. The competition is fierce and several hundred male snakes suffocate in the effort. But at least they died doing what they love: Humping a pile of other snakes for the viewing delight of weirdos.

Mating season only lasts until the end of May, so if you’re one of those people who loves snakes…like…alot, you should get to Canada soon. The rest of us will stay here and continue to wonder what it is those snakes have that we don’t. Is it the tongues? It’s those damn slithery tongues, isn’t it?