If you’re like me, you grew up wanting to be Han Solo. Based on the laws of probability, you’re also like me in that your Solo-dreams never materialized. No one but Han can pull off that level of swagger 24-7. At best, we can manage it for a few minutes here, a quick interaction there.
That doesn’t mean we have to surrender to lives of C-3po-level rigidity. What if we could learn to embody Han’s spirit more and more often, wowing our workmates by becoming the office’s most loveable scoundrel? It might even make everything square between us and those unfulfilled adolescent dreams.
(Alternately, we might just come to discover that scoundrels, believe it or not, aren’t universally beloved.)
Here is a carefully selected list of Han Solo quotes that, for better or worse, fit into the goings on at an everyday office. Good luck not getting frozen in carbonite or drowned in toner.
“Marching into a detention area is not what I had in mind.”
You drag your feet into work (15 minutes late, classic Han!) and there’s a memo sitting in your inbox about a mandatory meeting that is scheduled to start well before your coffee has had a chance to take effect. How else would you define a “detention center?”
“Don’t everyone thank me at once.”
In Episode IV, Han drops this line after his expert fly-boying saves the day to the applause of no one. You can use it when nobody notices that you brought bagels into the office because both of these things are heroic and worthy of gratitude.
You and your cubicle mate, Charlie, just came back from a serious liquid lunch. But while he’s in the corner freaking out that someone is going to smell the Bartles & Jaymes on his breath, you’ve got the perfect advice for staying above suspicion.
“That’s two you owe me, junior.”
Though Mark in accounts payable appreciates you bringing him his mail, he may not quite understand why he owes you anything but a “thank you.”
“And I thought they smelled bad on the outside.”
I’m not going to deny that the office microwave may, after a time, rival the funk punch of a tauntaun’s innards, but you’re as capable of cleaning out the microwave as everyone else.
“You’re gonna die here, you know. Convenient.”
Dropping a little real talk on a trainee is one thing, but this may be taking things a little too far.
“Wonderful girl. Either I’m going to kill her or I’m beginning to like her.”
You and Karen from accounting have a will they/won’t they thing going on that rivals Han and Leia’s own courtship…just be careful that the charming banter doesn’t buy you a ticket to a three-day sexual harassment seminar.
“Sorry sweetheart. I haven’t got time for anything else.”
Han is a bit charming when he responds to Leia’s saucy shot about the limited excitement that comes from being held by him after she’s thrown into his arms. You just dropped this line after delivering a file to Sarah, the Senior Vice President of Sales. Susan from HR would like a word.
“Never tell me the odds!”
Dude, it’s a quarterly budget forecast meeting. Knowing odds and statistics and numbers is kinda the point.
You know, sometimes I amaze even myself.
You just finished a week-long data entry project in a just a few day’s time. You spin in your chair, let out this proclamation, and then convince yourself that the absence of praise stems from jealousy alone.
“I’m not really interested in your opinion, 3PO.”
This is an emergency performance review. Your supervisor’s name is most certainly not 3PO.
Look, your worshipfulness, let’s get one thing straight. I take orders from just one person: me.
Maybe save this one for your last day. Honestly, I don’t know that you’re going to be missed. You kinda seem like a dick. But then again, so does Han if you think about it. And there’s nothing wrong with him, so…just keep swaggering.
This is an updated version of a post that originally ran on December 27, 2015.