If we could spend the first paragraph of this post angrily swearing about the state of things in the world today, we gladly would. But that’s not how we roll here, so let’s just get to the news: 2016, a year that has been marked with every kind of tragedy that could befall mankind (still a few days to squeeze in that earthquake, California!) has one more special treat for us: We are now in the midst of a whipped cream shortage, only a few days before the one holiday where it’s acceptable to eat Cool Whip directly out of the tub. (We didn’t say you couldn’t do it other time of year; it’s just acceptable right now.)
This isn’t a joke. It’s not a drill, either. As Grubstreet reports, the problem lies in the fact that we’ve been taking our canned cream products for granted. And we’ve been so focused on spraying Reddi-Whip (which has suspended production! Merry Christmas!) directly into our mouths and onto our nether regions that we didn’t even notice we were “burning through” our nitrous-oxide reserves like they were infinite.
Well guess what: They’re not. And now we all have to suffer. Thanks, all you people in 2016 who tried to recreate that one scene from Varsity Blues; thanks a lot!
Look at this mess:
Nitrous is used to aerosolize the contents in spray cans, and a freak deadly explosion at a Florida plant earlier this year has sent everyone into a lurch. The situation is already looking grim at grocery stores. Meanwhile, the Coffee Bean is apparently completely out, and ConAgra has had to “stop all production” of Reddi-Wip in North America until it can locate more supplies.
People. Are. Losing. It. (And can you blame them?)
We know, we know: There are bigger problems in this world. But listen, it’s been a terrible time. Things are only going to get worse (lol, you read the news lately?). And the fact that we can’t even get whipped cream in our coffee anymore? That same whipped cream that made up the majority of the “coffee” drink that we just “can’t get through the day without, you know?” That hurts. It hurts bigly.